One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support. Hello how can I help you?, the tech support woman says. Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything, the blonde says. What window do you have open? Are you crazy! its freezing cold outside! ********* In the morning, a blonde enters a restaurant with a carton of orange juice. She puts the orange juice on the table and stares at it. The store is about to close down and the blonde is still staring at the orange juice. A waiter comes and asks the blonde, Excuse me, we are about to close for the evening, Im afraid your going to have to leave. No They blonde replies. Why not? questions the waiter. The carton says concentrate. ******** A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons? he asked. Well, I think I do. she replied. Ive been divorced three times. ********** Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I cant look that old. Well, youll love this one.... My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High school. Yes. Yes, I did. he gleamed with pride. When did you graduate? I asked. He answered, In 1967. Why do you ask? You were in my class! I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, What did you teach? ********** An eighty year old woman was getting married for the fourth time. A newspaper was interviewing her about her previous marriages. She said she got married the first time when she was twenty to a banker. Then, in her forties she married a three ring circus leader. Then she married a preacher. And now shes marring a funeral home director. And the lady replied, when I look back at my previous marriages, I see one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go. *********** If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policemans credibility... Q: Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away. Q: Officer -- who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes, sir. With my life. Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do! Q: And do you have a locker in the room? A: Yes sir, I do. Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir. Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers? A: You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room. The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this years Best Comeback line -- and we think hell win. ************** A dumb blonde was really tired--- A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, Oh! Those sheep are so adorable! She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home? The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, 157. The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 03:58:22 +0000
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