One month. We finally made it to the first month. This month definitely has been crazy. Full of excitement, pain, depression, happiness.. Everything. I wrote month so many times.. month. Happiest One month to my baby girl, Emily. You have grown so beautifully. Every day has been such a blessing with you. A wonderful, memorable month. I am so blessed to be your mother. I wont lie. The beginning was truly terrifying. From the first day I met her and even now, I am a still afraid. Afraid of becoming a horrible mother. Afraid of becoming something/someone who isnt worthy to being called, mom. But every day that passes by and I see your smiling face, I am reminded that, regardless of this being my first time parenting.. I am still trying my best to become someone she can look up to. Someone she can rely on. Parenting is a learning experience and I am reminded of that on a daily basis. This month has quite possibly been the best month of my entire 24 years. I started a family. I made something to call my own, or at least half of her anyway.. Honestly the beginning was tough. I almost called it quits a couple of times because I thought I was going to be a horrible mother (which I thought I would be if I didnt continue to breastfeed.. I struggled every day with this - but now Ive got it down 99.9%). I suffered through some decent depression (thanks to hormones and breastfeeding pain).. but thanks to Spencer and all of his support, I pulled through. I had to for my baby, for my family. Most of you guys dont know, but I had suffered through horrible depression when I was younger. It was so bad that I thought of death almost every single day.. even causing harm to myself. When I met Spencer, he was truly my knight in shining armor. If it werent for him, I would not have gone back to church to re-introduce myself to God. After I met Spencer and God, I completely turned around and became a new person. My depression and self harm went away. Now, I have a family to take care of. No more being selfish. You might wonder how someone like me became a mother, especially with what I tell you now, but God can change anyone to become anything He wants them to be. And I truly believe He has a purpose for me and you. All of us. Things are definitely looking brighter. My days are filled with joy and happiness because of one special little girl. I am so thankful for my life and whats become of it and I know there will be many more hardships and happy times to come. This is life. Thank you to all my friends and family who have been so supportive of me.. Especially now that Ive become a mother. Thank you to those who havent forgotten about me and check up on me to see how Im doing. Thank you to my husband who is always so forgiving and so helpful, especially in my time of need. Thank you to my daughter, who always puts a smile on my face. Emily, please grow up healthily and happily. May you be a blessing to those around you. May you grow up to be of use to God in any way He needs you to be. I can only pray that Spencer and I will be good parents to you during our time and that you grow up beautifully in Gods image. You are perfect to us in every possible way and you always will be. Thank you for being such a wonderful blessing to us and completing our family. I cant wait to spend this life with you and your father. I am so excited for our future together. We love you so much, Yuri. We love everything about you. We will always love you. ^_^ *Reminder to myself that your father takes horrible pictures when it comes to me and you together.. Also, please continue to sleep for five hours at night.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Nov 2014 20:27:03 +0000
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