One of the qualities of getting older is that we hopefully become wiser, and begin to see things from different perspectives. It bothers me a lot when I meet people who constantly judge others, criticize, poke fun at, verbally abuse or bully, just because theyre a little, or even a lot different. Personalities vary, as do blood types, body chemistry, culture, mental ability, etc. Ive found that living a successful social or working life means being more accepting, and understanding. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. That is one of the habits from Stephen R. Coveys SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE, and probably the one that hit me the deepest. I once knew a man who everyone called lazy. He had only a high school education, and all of his skills were from farming or general labor. So when he worked, he worked physically more than mentally. But it took a toll on him, because he had a hole in his heart. This meant he ran out of energy very quickly, and his physical performance was way below average. The point is, he was not lazy, he was handicapped, and couldnt help it. He was tired of having to explain himself, and learned that at a young age that the explanation came across only as an excuse. So he did the best he could, absorbing the ridicule and the label. I really enjoyed reading the below article because its topic is something that I have dealt with nearly all of my life. For this reason it was very hard for me to read books, and if it wasnt for the immersion into reading in my junior high school days, I may not have become who I am today. But I know what its like to forget where I put my truck keys. To walk out the door and get into the truck before acknowledging that I dont have them. Or to walk from one end of the house to the other, with the destination being the kitchen for a drink, but stopping to pick up something, or put something away, and not getting that drink from the kitchen for several more minutes, or even forgetting what I was going for in the first place. Its not fun, folks. And it has been a tremendous hindrance throughout my working career. I will say, acceptance on my own part has been a huge step, the heck with what others think or say. A decade ago I began a search for ways to battle it and grow out of it. I refused the mediation approach, which the below article mentions. I chose the cognitive route, and it has truly helped a lot. Oh, the stories I could tell you. The money it has cost me. But Ill spare you that, and share the article below, because it sums it up pretty darn well. If Your Friends Ever Say They Have ADHD, Just Show Them This ADHD is about having broken filters on your perception. Normal people have a sort of mental secretary that takes the 99% of irrelevant crap that crosses their mind, and simply deletes it before they become consciously aware of it. As such, their mental workspace is like a huge clean whiteboard, ready to hold and organize useful information. ADHD people... have no such luxury. Every single thing that comes in the front door gets written directly on the whiteboard in bold, underlined red letters, no matter what it is, and no matter what has to be erased in order for it to fit. As such, if were in the middle of some particularly important mental task, and our eye should happen to light upon... a doorknob, for instance, its like someone burst into the room, clad in pink feathers and heralded by trumpets, screaming HEY LOOK EVERYONE, ITS A DOORKNOB! LOOK AT IT! LOOK! IT OPENS THE DOOR IF YOU TURN IT! ISNT THAT NEAT? I WONDER HOW THAT ACTUALLY WORKS DO YOU SUPPOSE THERES A CAM OR WHAT? MAYBE ITS SOME KIND OF SPRING WINCH AFFAIR ALTHOUGH THAT SEEMS KIND OF UNWORKABLE. Its like living in a soft rain of post-it notes. This happens every single waking moment, and we have to manually examine each thought, check for relevance, and try desperately to remember what the thing was we were thinking before it came along, if not. Most often we forget, and if we arent caught up in the intricacies of doorknob engineering, we cast wildly about for context, trying to guess what the hell we were up to from the clues available. On the other hand, were extremely good at working out the context of random remarks, as were effectively doing that all the time anyway. We rely heavily on routine, and 90% of the time get by on autopilot. You cant get distracted from a sufficiently ingrained habit, no matter what useless crap is going on inside your head... unless someone goes and actually disrupts your routine. Ive actually been distracted out of taking my lunch to work, on several occasions, by my wife reminding me to take my lunch to work. What the? Who? Oh, yeah, will do. Where was I? um... briefcase! Got it. Now keys.. okay, see you honey! Also, theres a diminishing-returns thing going on when trying to concentrate on what you might call a non-interactive task. Entering a big block of numbers into a spreadsheet, for instance. Keeping focused on the task takes exponentially more effort each minute, for less and less result. If youve ever held a brick out at arms length for an extended period, youll know the feeling. Thats why the internet, for instance, is like crack to us - its a non-stop influx of constantly-new things, so we can flick from one to the next after only seconds. Its better/worse than pistachios. The exception to this is a thing we get called hyper focus. Occasionally, when something just clicks with us, we can get ridiculously deeply drawn into it, and NOTHING can distract us. Weve locked our metaphorical office door, and were not coming out for anything short of a tornado. Medication takes the edge off. It reduces the input, it tones down the fluster, it makes it easier to ignore trivial stuff, and it increases the maximum focus-time. Imagine steadicam for your skull. It also happens to make my vision go a little weird and loomy occasionally, and can reduce appetite a bit. Hope this helps and please do share this so that more people can learn what its really like to have ADHD.
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 16:34:14 +0000
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