One of those days where it is hard to keep the plates spinning. Wonderful brunch with friends, read the paper on the porch, came inside and felt, for the second day in a row, this unannounced trembling and panic, the first salvos of my Dear Old Friend the Panic Attack. No real trigger, and in fact, this weekend has been a lot of fun, and very relaxing in many ways. But those mid-day shakes turn to tears and it becomes obvious what is hitting me. Brian Wilson had no greater champion than my brother Tom, who saw his solo shows in NYC many times in recent years and could listen to the remix of Smile or the revelatory insider tapes of the Beach Boys Box Set. When I think of him now, wherever he may be, it is just impossible not to think of the words from “All Summer Long” which probably capture not only Tom’s rare, precious love but serve as the perfect example of what makes a Lake Erie summer something more precious than the rarest gem: “Every now and then we hear our song. We’ve been having fun all summer long.” Yeah Tom, you were summer and a stop at every ice cream or hot dog stand that could withstand the winter wind to reopen in May, you were twenty billion laughs and an abject refuser of leaving the lake or the pool until the cops kicked you out; and this first summer without you seems like a joke that is mistook for an unkind remark, a bump in the love flow that leaves you wanting to rewind the tape or apologise or just move on and pretend it never was heard. I’ve been having fun all summer long Tom, honestly. But every now and then I hear our song…And my belly turns into a rainy November day for a while. You played this rarity for me about a dozen years ago, when we were under the impression that we had more time, and it describes how I think of all the days we didn’t spend together, how it felt to wonder, Please Let Me Wonder, what you were up to while I was up to my own up to. I’m missing you in the summer, but I’m also doing just what this song describes. Oh how I love you, in a quotidian way that makes this all so difficult to render…I still don’t believe the unanswered phone, but maybe you are somewhere, relaxed, sipping oversweetened cold coffee with more milk than caffeine, and this describes your day today:
Posted on: Sun, 28 Jul 2013 20:52:09 +0000
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