Ontario Vipassana Centre. Wow, what a great sum of experiences. For those who may think it was a relaxing ten days, please think not. It was very hard to sit there for 11 hours of the day, experiencing everything from cold, heat, itchiness, tingling, pain, vibrations, etc. It is an experience I will definitely repeat again. For those who are curious about the specifics of what I had learned I will write a few paragraphs. Firstly, the entire point of the retreat was to observe sensations objectively, without attaching any favour to a pleasant sensations (they call it clinging or craving) or to avoid feeling resentment to an unpleasant sensations (they call it aversion). In other words, feel the sensations you feel without your minding trying to subjectify the experience. This may seem like it is a very easy thing to do, but your mind is untrained, wanders non-stop, and you start of naturally favouring the pleasant sensations and hating the unpleasant sensations. For example, I had this massive neck pain I just hated. I could not focus because I did not want to pain to be there (aversion) and I wanted to feel “normal” (craving/clinging). I had pain yes, but because I was not viewing it objectively it multiplied and I experienced more misery than what the pain actually was, just a sensation. Misery was something you learned to accept. But, what really is misery? Is it feeling sad? Well, kind of. Misery is the mismatch of what sensations you have objectively to what you wish them to be or not be. With my neck pain I was experiencing misery because I did not want it to be there. Similarly, when you wish for some pleasant but objectively you do not experience, again you have misery. Let’s say you feel this tingly vibration and really enjoy it. If it is not there and you wish it were, you are experiencing more misery because you are clinging/craving for this sensation. Now, all fine I was experiencing these sensations and understanding misery, but you must be asking, what is the point? Sure, we may understand this from an intellectual perspective, and that is good, but you miss out on experiencing it firsthand. The only way we can experience misery (with either clinging or aversion to a sensation) is if we REACT to these sensations. It is not really the sensations that cause the us problems, when we react with craving or aversion is when we have the problem. We must learn to we separate from these sensations and accept them for as they are. Now, before you say you get this, and I know you do intellectually, we do not have the ability to feel many of this subtle sensation at first. Yes, we have can feel big sensations, like the pain in our back, a coldness of metal in winter, or the feel of a comfortable bed, but there are way deeper sensations our bodies experience we are not conscious of. Think of it of our unconscious mind experiencing all these sensations but we are not aware of it. We are ignorant. Ignorance! Another thing you begin to realize. When your mind becomes more sharp to feel these subtle sensations you begin to go deeper into the “unconscious” mind. You begin to realize that there is not an unconscious mind. You feel sensations all the time, constantly arising and passing from what our six senses experience (sight, hearing, tough, taste, smell and the mind, which cognizes this information) and then they manifest as sensations on the body. They either feel pleasant or unpleasant. Ignorance is not being aware of all these subtle sensations. They are there whether or not we experience them. So, yes we can understand we do feel things, but big sensations, sensations what we call the conscious mind experiences. We understand we react to these big sensations. We have pain in the back, we cringe, complain, close our eyes in agony. We feel something pleasant and we smile and laugh. We know this! All these subtle sensations are always arising and passing. They come on go, so quick at times you do not even know it was there for fractions of a second. And, like the big sensations, we react to them. We do not even know we are reacting to them. Why? Our mind is not sharp to feel them. We are IGNORANT to what is happening to our bodies. And, just like at the surface or conscious level of our brains, craving and aversion happen at this deeper level, and this causes deep misery. Misery we do not know why we experience; misery of pain, anger, jealous, passion, violence, and hatred. These actions are really reactions to deeper sensations we feel! Now, the retreat was meant to make the mind more sharp to these deep sensations. Slowly, you learn that there is so much we experience, and they come and go so fast, there is no point in reacting to them. Sensations have no substance or depth. You learn to be detached from them. They are just vibrations. Coming and going, arising and passing. Slowly, realizing this more and more with experience, deep experience (not intellectually understanding it) you accept these subtle sensations, as they are and soon the misery starts to get weaker and weaker till it has no power over you. You do not experience craving or aversion at a deeper level. You learn acceptance. Now, before you think you can do a ten day retreat and become Budda or Jesus Christ, think again. This is a journey that takes years, if not lifetimes. The retreats, along with daily practice, and years of time are the only way to be free of your misery at deep levels. I recommend you go to a retreat and not just understand this at an intellectual level, but really experience it. Experience clinging and aversion arising inside you at a deep level. It is a gift you will learn to cherish.
Posted on: Mon, 28 Oct 2013 16:49:58 +0000
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