Ordinary day. I went with Reg to Terre Haute, did a little shopping, came home picked out senior pics for Christian, paid bills, picked kids up from school, went by the cemetery, took Joshy to his buddys house, came home and decided to finish cleaning the pantry. Everyone else was gone, it was just Levi (he was lost in his xbox game) and me. I only had the top shelf to finish. I decided just to reach up and grab what I could off the shelf before I got a chair. I reached blindy and grabbed whatever, then I grabbed it. A baby bottle, never used, still incased in plastic. I stood in that pantry with back slumped against the wall, clutching an unused, bottom part of a bottle and....I started crying. Why? Over a partial part of a cheap plastic bottl that the first hospital gave us, that we would never use anyway because we bought Reagan the most expensive set of bottles we could find.....which we also didnt get to use. Why am i crying? The more I tried to pull myself together the harder I cried. I never cry. Over a stupid piece of plastic......he never got the chance to use. As i stood there, I asked God why He thought I was strong enough. Why? Then came the zip of anger. Now, hours later, that part of a bottle sets on my counter. My question? What do I do with it? Throw it in the recyclables? Throw it away...like he was never here. Or do I carefully lift a lid to a tote of Reagans and carefully place it in there, being careful so I dont touch or see anything? This folks, this is my life EVERYDAY. Im a freak, Im not like you and I cant be a part of you, because my child died. It sets me apart and thats just how it is. Life. I miss you Reagan.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 01:00:26 +0000
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