Our kids are doing the opposite of what we tell them to do because we too are doing the opposite of what we tell them to do. They are observing everything we do and learning what works and what doesn’t. They don’t buy what we say; they draw their own conclusions. We should be happy that they are that smart, and we should feel bad about how hypocritical and delusional we are. If we have time to read a parenting book, perhaps we should be reading a self-improvement book. What we say doesn’t matter. I believe the only thing that matters is what we do. If we are not capable of actually doing it, we shouldn’t even bother telling our kids to do it. If we preach what we cannot practice ourselves, they will do the exact opposite of what we tell them to do. On the other hand, if we can practice it ourselves, we don’t actually need to say anything to them. They’ll observe what we do, and learn from it. But why is it so tempting to tell our kids to do something we cannot even practice ourselves? I have another theory: It’s because we try to live a better life vicariously through our own kids. The more we hate our own lives, the more we tell our kids to do what we cannot do ourselves. Many of us have kids in order to shift our attention away from ourselves. (In fact, the act of “falling in love” is also a way to shift our attention away from ourselves.) Without kids, our lives are miserable. We don’t know who we are and what we should be doing with our lives. Such deep philosophical questions are too painful for us to face, so we have kids to escape from that existential pain. Once we have kids, we suddenly have a purpose in life: Now there are other humans who need us to exist. Voilà ! The existential question is answered and the pain is gone, at least until they are all grown up and don’t need us anymore. Have you ever wondered why your parents keep nagging you to come see them? Well, this is why.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 01:28:17 +0000
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