Out of a dead sleep at 4:02, alarm set for 5:00, I hear that was me! What?? That was me! When your business wasnt going the way you wanted, you know the whole sale thing, financing, the purchase wouldnt go through, Partners seemed crazy, That was me! When your little brother David, his amputations, his diagnosis, his last ditch efforts, his death. Your inside pain, your questions, your quiet temper tantrums, your questioning What do you want from me? Remember? That was me! Your mom, the Alzheimers, the unknowing, all the this isnt fair, really!! Of all the people Lord, Mom!! And you having to be strong for dad, for the family, feeling like you had to figure it all out. All the time driving back and forth, all those voices, That was me! Even you going to Vegas, the GREAT GIG, you thought you could run, you thought having money, prestige, title, space, you thought you had finally found your HAPPY! Your arrival, your Purpose, your Payday! BAM!!! Remember the Choices? Remember the Voices? Yep, It was me! Last night Ben Snyder during his teaching, he quoted C S Lewis. A quote I had highlighted just yesterday morning in my personal reading, coincidence? No, That was me! CS Lewis said God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious, but shouts in our pains. God wants us to all return to Him. But just because He wants us to, He created us with the freedom to choose. Just because He speaks to us doesnt mean we listen. I didnt, I turned a deaf ear, I treated Him just like my wife, I pretended to not hear. (Sorry babe:) I knew best, I knew more, I got this, I didnt, I couldnt, I wouldnt, connect all the dots. 3 years exactly! The day I knew my business wasnt going to be the win I had worked for. 3 years the middle if the month, that my little brother, age 44 would go home for the last time. 3years this November that mom took her last breath with the entire family at her side. And today at 4:02, out of a sound sleep I can finally HEAR It was you! You were there the whole time. Its not like I never acknowledged it, or that I didnt pray. Man I prayed, I even spoke at my moms funeral, we threw my brother David a going to Heaven Beach Party! I was working 2 jobs, living the American Dream on the outside. But I wasnt hearing God! Let me be totally honest here, I wasnt listening to God! Whisper, talk, scream, He could have tattooed it on my forehead, I wasnt having it. Freedom to choose can have its downside. Its now 5:46 am, am I finally hearing? I am WHO I am today because of these past 3 years. Even though I have been hard of hearing (selective hearing) I was still moving, day by day, He continued to work in me, to mold me, to shape me, to show me, to prepare me, It was me! We never actually arrive anywhere. One destination is simply a dot connected to the next, one experience leads to another, they build, they magnify, they enhance. But the ONE constant, the ONE true north is God. He never leaves us, He is right there, He is speaking, He is listening, He knows! Thank you Father for always being there, for speaking, for your whispers and your screams. Thank you for extending your hand, for walking me through, and allowing me to grab onto. Thank you for extending your arms out on the Cross, for opening wide enough for all my sin, for my shortcomings. And YES, I can hear you now!
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 10:01:39 +0000
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