Part of my negative side and part of my positive side are at battle this morning. I have my first weigh in with my nurse today for my surgery. I know I have been doing great, started working out, eating very low carb, taking my vitamins...on and on....my positive side cannot wait to weigh in, my negative brain keeps telling me what a looser and pointless idiot I am to think I can be successful. I dont like that part of my brain or that personality but I batter her daily. Even to see 5 pounds would be a victory, but then again my debilitating side might tell me Thats it? Thats all you could do!? I hate when I go from progressive to demolishing in 2.2 seconds. I am better than that....I know this. I have done this dance in my cranium since I can remember. Even before weight issues. My nose, my breasts, my parents, my way of dressing, makeup, forehead (believe it or not, my father once told me I had a giant forehead and it never left my subconscious), new ideas, auditioning for a part. Self Esteem. That is a big issue. I am honoring and owing up to that. With every success is a new chip away at the old self esteem baggage I have accrued. There are so many people out there with actual physical debilitating conditions with better outlooks on themselves than I have had on myself. The mind is a very interesting and complex thing. This time, I am stronger and have shed myself of the chains that hold me back..... So let today happen, because no matter what I am successful in myself and that is truly what matters.
Posted on: Wed, 19 Feb 2014 16:13:04 +0000
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