People often ask me how life with BPD is. What are the triggers to my lows? How do I keep myself from falling down? Why cant I stop myself when I start falling? How can I change from an angel into a demonic monster? Do I like who I am? What am I doing to change my behaviours?? Are you scared of it?? All questions, which to be honest I cant really answer. I find myself liking myself occasionally but quickly find myself hating who I am, what I am, how I am and everything I do. The triggers I look for are there, I know them and hold onto them in my psyche, however I find myself falling with no trigger at all. Once the fall starts its so quick to the bottom there is no chance of stopping it. My impulsive behaviours take a grip and woo be tide anyone or anything that stands between me and it. A total annihilation of myself takes hold and that does scare me. Scares me more than anything else on earth. BUT what do i do and what can i do to change it?? I try to do everything i can to change my behaviours however i succeed at times and fail EPICALLY at others. I have a theoretical answer to a hypothetical situation tho: If there was a tablet developed that would give me a 10% chance of totally getting rid of my BPD and a 90% chance of killing me would i take the gamble?? My answer I would happily take the gamble and swallow the tablet. Surely death is better than living as I do.
Posted on: Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:35:45 +0000
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