Perk up your ears radio-land weve got a special guest in the studio...or should I say a special ghost? In life he was the Chairman of the Board, The Sultan of Swoon, Ol Blue Eyes himself, the one...the only...ghost of Frank Sinatra. (Prerecorded Audience Clapping) GNRB: I have to say this is a real honor. My mother used to play your records all the time. Sinatra: My time on earth is short, Mr. brown nose. I get the point. You bought my records, you love my movies, your favorite aunt used to lock herself in the bathroom with a picture of me and a jar of olive oil. You´re a fan! Next question. GNRB: Well, were glad to have you with us, Frank. Sinatra: Well I myself aint particularly thrilled about it. This show´s worse than the one Dick Cavett had back when he wanted to kill himself. Man, that thing blew! But it is nice to get out and stretch my legs. GNRB: Thats real funny Frank. I imagine it must be pretty boring up there sitting on a cloud plucking a harp all day. Sinatra: Nah, I didnt exactly make it past the pearly gates if you get my drift, pally. I had a few indiscretions which came up at my hearing before the big man upstairs. I had Tommy Dorseys legs broken to get out of a contract and Id often get drunk and call Bob Goulet in the middle of the night and call him a no talent waste of space until hed cry and threaten to off himself. Oh, and I had like 5 or 6 bastard children I never acknowledged. I always lose count. But thats what happens when you bang cocktail waitresses two at a time in the coatroom at the Sands from 1957-1969. Back in those days I was the Chairman of the headboard, baby. GNRB: Im not sure that last part will make it past the censors... Sinatra: You dont know what censorship is, junior. Censorship is getting dropped by Columbia because Mitch Miller doesnt like the way your career is going. Its having million dollar pipes and nowhere to play them, am I right, baby? GNRB: I would have to agree. So Frank, tell us about hell. Whats it like? Sinatra: Well, they kinda tailor make it for the individual. In my case Its all disco music and ugly broads and the only whiskey they serve at the bar is Canadian Club. When they call it hell they aint just whistlin dixie, baby! GNRB: What about Dino? Sammy? Sinatra: Nah, those choir boys got in upstairs. Who knew being faithful to your wife would pay off? Theyre up there palin around with that velvet frog. GNRB: The velvet frog? Oh, you mean Mel Torme. Sinatra: I wont say that bastards name. His whole career he was just swimmin in my wake. Hes dead to me... GNRB: (Laughing) I believe he is literally dead, Frank. Sinatra: Look at this jackass yakking it up! Whose shoes did you had to shine to get this gig? GNRB: And with that, were almost out of time. Tune in next week when our guest will be Bing Crosby. Sinatra: Crosby? No kidding. Were neighbors downstairs. GNRB: He always seemed like such a nice guy. Im surprised he ended up down there with you. Sinatra: Oh, please! His kids were more black and blue than Billie Holiday strung out on... GNRB: (Interrupting) Well! Thats all we have time for. This is as good a time as any to remind our listeners that the opinions expressed in this interview do not in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM represent the opinions of this station.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 05:23:10 +0000
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