Personal mundane factoids & the tight line dance of egotistical narcissism & between that of objectivity to truly lend words as encouragement to others when making about mes pt. 1: At age 19 I weighed the heaviest of any other point of my life, coming in at 225 Lbs. I was a plump & jolly lil fella, I was definitely shy, and lacked any confidence in nearly every aspect of my life. At 24 Id transformed & became awakened so to speak through the experience of a mushroom induced state of consciousness, and it gave the taste of death a distinctly different perception, and view thats unlike any description or portrayal found in the stream of consciousness as a predominantly accepted form of expression. The event of that experience of the first experience of mushrooms wasnt pleasant, and instead of what unknown things I assume others to do with their time, my experience instead I found myself scared & terrified of existing within the universe.... For the first time I realized how utterly alone I was within this place that knows not where it is in either space relative to placement or ultimate destination, and with it nor time carries relevancy. Only humans feel there is dire need that we as a whole, which is arrogantly been insinuated, and assumed to include that we, solely individual entities whom bear unique perspectives that can only define or explain reality in words, and through that use only the perspective theyve learned or accepted, and perspective can be through deep mental contemplation, or simply assumed like that of curriculum, and via a process explained simply as the majority rule. Life is a symbiosis.. Though to be human can be a disappointment, from my perspective we all are capable of so much more, more specifically on the mental aspects of our co-collective base of knowledge. We have the chance to send through time & space a record of our being, whether our species survives or not is inconsequential.... We would all do well to start by looking onto ourselves, and presenting the question to ourselves.. Is this worthy? Does this represent who I feel I am, and is this who & how I want to be remembered?. What if someone were constantly reminding you that everything you do, from the brain waves in your head to the transmission of electronics used to express your being... What if you were aware that everything is sent out into space, and that it will travel xxx amount of time (some wave are absorbed, and some will travel forever into the expanse of the universe. Humans as it can be deduced, in large carry within their subconscious core of belief structure, divinity. Although divine can run rampant... Lets objectify for a moment, and pretend the major beliefs held in humanity are represented in one person... it may sound like this, and sadly this is how I see us, and find myself saddened that this is the message we may unknowingly transmit to other civilisations/ beings across the landscapes of the galaxy. Hello. I am 21st century man... To anyone who may receive this message, know we existed, and whatever achievements we hold thats biologically given through life, we assume, and carry with faith to remind you that the entity that created us, must therefore allowed the opportunity for all & any other to exist, and let us stand through these images, to embolden the faith that you are not alone, we were not the first, nor will be the last, and anything is possible, theres no limit to what we can all hope to obtain together... it is our hope to form a intergalactic bond, and friendship based upon a mutual respect, admiration, interest, and resource to share & gain knowledge.... Of course... this is in my opinion how we really think of ourselves, and what distant species who wed assume has deciphered our languages, and know what the binary codes are to be implemented & translated onto.. .... no introduction, and everyone seems to be focused on their selvea.. Quickly determine that humans carry an arrogance regarding their existence, and biogenetic dominance held over all other species. The arrogance is so intoxicating that the lust of dominion & conquest poured into the realms of social order once mankind realized theyve explored nearly the entirety of the planets surface. Dominance is in their competitiveness which they condone on the premises of fun/ personal achievement. However its not betterment, rather a spirit of control, and rite of passage that holds the core value they refer to as The golden rule. Ultimately they appear to unknowingly carry a resoundingly common social trait thats both inborn through the biological cellular pattern of survival, and also through systemic communication to also boast an individualistic value that pretentiously ignores acknowledging or gratuitously thanking all which plays part in their continued existence. Humans would believe the Universe depends on them to exist.. Theyll turn their back when they have responsibility, and when they destroy the balance from their favor, and insufferable circumstances threaten their being, they then turn to the Universe to guide & help them, and it does... Then as quickly as they unite, and work together in a harmonious objective, they simply fall back into a habitualized state of being thats responsible for their plights in the first place. They are a dramatic species, disavowing to natural phenomena, and largely unaware of their personal accountability, and inner strengths. They are mostly quick to blame, complain, and dwell largely on outcomes to which they devise elaborations to do all but fix the root of their societal expected order. In short, should any visit be made to this planet, itd be necessary to assume resemblance to integrate into, and make announcement of our presence among them, whether that should that ever be wise or necessary. Humans are a selective species, and are possessive & very territorial. Very slight genetic difference, notably to the visibility of their ocular sense will often result to that of instant pariah status regardless of faculties... In short the generalization of humanity is mixed, the majority of humans, despite their capability to achieve are no more conscious than the appointed roles given by the social order & structures of that are within colonies of Bees & Ants. Verdict: Lets take a vacation somewhere else. ^^^ Thats how I feel mostly, and it creates those types of thoughts... Back to the mushroom experience. Naturally I had all previous memories of my life explode into a maelstrom of guilt & regret with the first experience on mushroom... I became awake realizing I had not been a good person in my life leading up to then. Id lied, often to avoid consequences or having to confront the undoubted anger, disappointment, and loss of trust Id undoubtedly face... I also among many other things stole regularly from mostly my family, particularly my parents. Mushrooms let me see things about myself that I was ashamed of, and had been intentionally misleading myself into not accepting or ever truly owning up to the things of myself of that nature that were actually the main reason as to what used to be a very long bout with thoughts of suicide. That mushroom trip was the first proverbial day of reckoning I can recall experiencing, and the piper (my own conscience) had come to collect dues & left a staunchly eerie message to remind me always in this manner or what not... You can hide all you want, fool others & trick them into believing youre anything other than who you know you are, but I will always be waiting to collect, you will never portray true confidence, or laugh while taking joy, I will always be there in the back of your mind, whispering that you know youre a fraud, that you dont or cant feel joy, because of the hate you create & passed onto others, you wont laugh... know time is no ally or anything but a personal prison to carry the burden of me, know you will not escape or avoid yourself until resolution is either sought, and or asked forgiveness to any form that still exists that ultimately symbolically represents the pathway to freedom from your guilt. You have sinned, knowing you would benefit at the pain of your actions.. Now youll forever walk this Earth in your form being aware, and youll always be reminded of who you once were. Time does not absolve the consequence of actions, it doesnt go away, and even when memories fall from conscious thought, they live in the subconscious, and there they eat at personal happiness, and turn you into less, and render one incapable of any degree of satisfaction or fulfilment. You may lie if you wish, and further attempt to deny who you are, but deep down you already know the truth will always wait for you, it will always be there begging for you to accept it, own it, and to make retribution for the wrong put onto others. Let it also be known all wounds heal, but this will scar you forever, the journey will always be carrying memories humbly as a torch to remind others, and help them to heal, and this will give peace to your mind, and you will no longer fear death nor life... Take heed, so long as you walk among the living I will forever haunt you til you draw your last breath, so given your conscious of the long reaching effects & implications of your actions, you better now understand even more that theres more that exists beyond what you can possibly imagine at this juncture, but know youre no longer fooling anyone, and the keeper at the gates has no eye lids nor a need for sleeping... Now go, you are temporarily released from this psychosis of hell within the 9th layer of hell, you may go back into the world, and try again..... Life... I was literally once ignorantly anti-spiritual, which is not the same as disavowing the religious shortcomings that simply can no longer be drawb off of for faith or trusted guidance... So to be face to face with yourself, with no spiritual fervor, to never believe youll ever actually face the moment you die from this world, and then finally it happens, knowing youre always a beat away from death, that youre not in a fairy tale thats giving you special preferential treatment over others... Facing death gives a whole new meaning to memory, and raises mankind to ask the plague of questions... why is this necessary?? To me personally I dont care why Im here living as a human on a planet thats in some strange universe thats represented by matter, light, and a perceived notion of size & distance. What does matter to me is the legacy, or that I can contribute to this world before that time comes to move onward into the heavens of expansive & endless possibilities.. ODDS & ENDS.. Assorted vitals, stats, W-Ls all-time, records held, trophies, achievements, successes, and various memories of my life... blah blah. Aside from the interests Ive stated numerously such as psychology or whatever, I began rigorous self motivated exercise routines, and radically changed my dieting. Id shed roughly 60 lbs., and added an unknown amount of muscle. I was 24. Through this I once strongly considered, and had an opportunity to follow a profession as a fitness instructor. That particular opportunity would have allowed me to work with a target group of self conscious beginners who preferred to work on their confidence first behind closed doors. Although Id already accepted a different position when that offer came, and I declined taking that avenue, but I sometimes wonder where that path may have lead, and if I could have inspired anyone for the better. At the same time I also was considering pursuing accreditation as a nutritionist, but ultimately chose to keep it a personal study, and now is more so just an interest to know what the hell Im putting just into my own body... Age 26 I began becoming the people whom Id both subconsciously envied & consciously despised. I excused my existence as its easy to justify what you do when youre on the other side of the fence. I became engrained with the very ideals & creeds of the world of highly energetic & success driven people. Id personally achieved what some would spend years of schooling to obtain (self confidence- which is a byproduct of when one subconsciously believes their knowledge is sound & applied with a near certainty, hence no room for doubt to question ones self) in order to create opportunities for themselves, but Id done so rapidly & with ease, even without a place to hang my hat on to... in fact my life had no achievements prior to be used to my own rapport, and neither was there any reasoning to suggest the inexplicably fast rise, and change to circumstances that to the world seen by those who calculate, and roll the die on plausibility, suggest upbringing & pattern learned from upbringing would simply
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 23:26:32 +0000
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