Please post anon. I am seeking advice. My ex-fiance and I have been friends for seven years, and dating for the last 3 years. I am not quite sure how he managed to hide his true colors for that long, but for the last 2 1/2 years he has shown me his manipulative side. At first, he treated me like a queen. He repeatedly told me how perfect I was and that I was so much better than all of his exes. He told me, in great detail, how different I am from his exes and that we are perfect together. He told me stories about how his exes abused and mistreated him. He told me how wonderful I was, how beautiful and smart I was. Eventually, the praise and compliments changed to fights, reprimands, and his version of punishments. Nothing ever crossed over into physical abuse, but he became an expert at harming me emotionally, mentally, and verbally. He used my friends and family against me. He used my future career against me. He used my hopes and dreams against me. Eventually it got to where he was never happy with anything I said or did, and he started implementing his new punishment system. It got to the point where I felt like a child cowering in the corner each time we spoke. My family started to notice that every time he called I would flinch. He even tried to convince me to move away and cut ties with my family. When I refused, he turned the responsibility for the problems in our relationship around on me to make me look like the bad guy and to make it look like I was the one not trying to work on our issues. In a 120 minute conversation, he managed to insult everything that was important to me in life, shoot arrows at all of my dreams for my future, turn me into a hysterical mess, tell me that I am unlovable and that no one will ever see anything of value in me, break up with me and cut all ties to me, as well as turning a good friend that I have been close with fir 5 years against me and convince that friend to cut all ties with me as well. It has been a tough journey for me, very tough. This all happened a few months ago. I havent heard from him since then. I look back on my situation now, and I can see clearly and logically that this was a toxic relationship and the things he said and did were wrong; that the break off from him was probably in my best interest. Even though my brain tells me these things, my heart is still tied to him. I still feel that if I hadnt treated him so horrible and did the things I did then he would have stayed. Logically I understand that it wasnt my fault, but I still FEEL as if it is. I still feel the guilt gnawing at me. How is it that months after the last time we spoke, he still has this control over my emotional well being? How is it that I miss someone who hurt me in so many ways? How can I break this tie I have with him and finally move on?
Posted on: Sun, 27 Jul 2014 15:39:05 +0000
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