Political asset Number One Category: Satire Published on Saturday, 22 June 2013 01:12 Written by MAHMUD JEGA Hits: 128 0 inShare It is my second meeting with the sagacious local operator Alhaji Ibrahim mai kahon karo and his top sidekick, Isa tsinin kusa. This meeting is special because we are at last getting down to business. My first meeting with these two political gurus was merely introductory. I was happy that they honoured my invitation and came. They agreed to help me to pursue my political aspiration, even though what they said unsettled me and I needed help to understand what they were saying. Somebody had to decode it for me, that thing they said that they are not going to help me because of my own character or because of money or because of any promise I will make to them when I get this office. But that they are doing so because my late grandfather was a very good man who did many good things to their own parents and grandparents, that is why they are going to assist me in this campaign. So when they left my house, I went to see my friend Alhaji Aliyu, the best man around to decode political language. He was a politician himself for many decades but he left it many years ago to concentrate on his business of exporting soya beans. I told him what Maikaho said and asked him whether I should look for another political aide. He said no, that I should not mind what the man said. He said it is normal for a politician to talk in a convoluted manner in order to impress me with his political sagacity. Alhaji Aliyu however said another thing. He said, “You see, you civil servants, you should know that the pot is washed today because of tomorrow’s food. You do not start preparing the water gourd on the day of the journey. It is better for a man who is still in service to peer into the future and to know that one day he will need the help of local people like Maikaho. If you had befriended him many years ago when you were still in service and you were not looking for anything from him, it would have made things easier now. The biggest fear of these political operators is that when you get what you are looking for, you will change your friends and become unreachable. However, since that mistake has already been made, you should proceed and make the best of the situation.” What he said is serious, but I just have to continue. I will try my best and leave the rest to God. Before the two of them arrived for today’s meeting, I had my third wife Goggon Abuja prepare some delicious dishes. She is good at preparing dazzling dishes for special guests. I heard that Maikaho likes jollof rice, so she did it with many special additions such as shredded shrimp and fish. She also brought cow tail pepper soup, lamb steak, zobo, specially sweetened fura, kunun zaki, lots of fruits, date palms and kola nuts. I can see that the food helped a lot, because Maikaho and Tsinin Kusa ate and ate. They would taste this, taste that, drink this, drink that. Afterwards, each one of them pulled out a stick of cigarettes and began smoking contentedly. This smoking is the part that is beginning to worry me. When I was a director in the Federal Ministry, I was deeply involved in the campaign to curtail cigarette smoking. If some of my old colleagues come to my house now and see cigarette billowing like a chimney, they will say I am being hypocritical just because of politics. But what can I do now? If I tell these people to stop smoking, they will go away and say that I humiliated them because they came to my house. With his cigarette stick still burning between his fingers, Maikaho said, “Alhaji, let us get down to business. Tell me frankly, which post are you looking for in this Tafki State?” I coughed nervously and said, “You are the one to advise me. I hear that in politics, you don’t go looking for a particular post. You wait for the people to decide what they think is the most suitable post for you.” “Who told you that?” Maikaho was not sitting straight in the chair. “Whoever told you that does not know even half of half of what I know in politics. How can you go into politics without deciding what you are looking for? It is not possible to plan well if we don’t know exactly what you want. We have to know if our plan will cover the whole state, a part of it or just our local government. We have to know that. We even have to know if we are looking for a post that is a stepping stone to another post or a fallback position for another post. I once assisted a man whose ambition is to become a commissioner. I told him that the best way to become commissioner is to contest for governor, corner one or two local governments and they will be forced to negotiate with you and ask you to step down in return for a promise to be made a commissioner. So, tell me what in your mind you really want.” Eh ehn! This thing needs clearing of throat. I said, “Maikaho, if it is my own mind’s wish, I want to become the governor of Tafki State. If it is my own mind’s wish! However, if that is not possible, I don’t mind becoming a senator. At least, I know Abuja very well and if I go back there as senator, I think it will be good.” I noticed that both Maikaho and Tsinin kusa went for another cigarette stick. These people are really mysterious. They always do things together. Maikaho inhaled deeply, let out a long pall of smoke, then he said, “Alhaji, it is good you are aiming high. It is said that when you are going to eat a toad, look for a fat and juicy one. Governor is very good. That is where you will be able to help a lot of people. No doubt about that. As your adviser and tactician I must however be plain and frank with you. It is like between a lawyer and his client who is a murderer. There is no hiding anything. How much money are you ready to spend in this matter?” Next >
Posted on: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 08:46:44 +0000
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