Posting this up now, in advance of the actual date. This wednesday coming, 2nd of April, we will be celebrating our 20th year together, myself and my lovely wife Gurm, without whom my insanity would not be anywhere near as complete. I will be ordering in a box of Sticky Donuts to mark this special occasion, not merely as a delicacy, but for the fact of their significance and the role this humble confection played in our initial meeting. So, let the clouds of time part and drift away on gossamer strands as we focus in on a mutual friend of ours, who contacted me about a girl she knew that was single and would I like to try going on a blind date? Being a desperate 20-something, I casually played it cool and practically bit her hand off at the opportunity, and we arranged to meet in Bradford city centre at a certain time and place. Being also a useless bugger back then with regards to ludicrous New World conventions such as timekeeping or appointments, I of course arrived in a state of sweaty panic at the right place, but over an hour later than agreed upon. Filled with disappointment, I might add. However, being of stout heart and also an avid reader of Douglas Adams, in whose books I have oft taken refuge, and I decided to try a method utilised by one of his eminently impressive heroes, Dirk Gently. Therefore, I concluded that a holistic approach to solving my problem was called for. Whats that then? Oh its basically a way of using the interconnected one-ness of everything everywhere in order to get something specific done. Sounds daft right? Hello? Its ME were dealing with here, now pay attention. How did I apply this method then? Ok, it was close to shop-closing time, so I figured if I went LOOKING around the entire city, chances were very very very slim that I would successfully find them. However, I figured logically, theres oh so many occasions, where you go out and about and BUMP into people, seemingly at random, without actually going looking for them. Happens all the time. Thats the One-ness thing at play in the background, but you dont notice it or call it a small world or coincidence, you silly misbeguided gullible fools. So, knowing all this, I made the decision to go looking around town NOT for them, could NOT be for them or it wouldnt work, I had to look for....a sticky donut. Not a normal ring donut. Not a Jam-filled donut. Had to be something specific or I wasnt playing by the Holistic Rules, I was just rolling the dice instead. So off I went, various shops and delicatessens were out of stock on the exact donut types, or were already closed by the time I arrived puffing and panting at the scene. My final resort then, was the Bus Depot itself. I went there, found the bakers inside sold the donut I was after. I bought it. There my journey should have ended, there it should all have come to naught. If Holistic use for problem solving was not worthy, then I should have chomped my munchy and just gone home. But it did not. I turned, and saw the bus stand opposite, proclaiming in bold lettering the very route that led to the area of Bradford in which our mutual friend lived. I didnt know the address, of course, that would have been too easy. I would have had a plan then and the holistic rules would again be disappointed with my efforts to remain true and would have balked me somehow. So I simply got on the bus, with no clear idea when to get off, ate my donut and enjoyed the journey, allowing fate to take me where it would. With the very last morsel making its way down my gullet, I looked up and saw the workingmens club of the area. AH HA! That was a holistic nudge. Fate had been pleased with me and was giving me a gentle hand off the bus at the right spot. I went into the establishment and enquired about the mutual friend and her husband, and if there were any contact details available with the landlord. He agreed to phone them. I got picked up mere minute or three later and taken to the house and met the woman I was later that day proud to tell that I would marry her one day. So now, allow the mists of time to congeal once more over the scene, like yesterdays promise of egg yolk and take us back into the present. Here I am 20 years on, still mad, still madly in love and still have a penchant for approaching problems with alternative solutions. My advice to anyone stupid enough to have read all the way through this saga of sillyness, believe it or not as you will (but it IS entirely true), is this: Trust that whatever is going to happen, will happen. If it isnt meant to happen it wont.
Posted on: Sun, 30 Mar 2014 02:44:57 +0000
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