Problem is, so much of this is true. *(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf . My name is Trina. How can I help you? *(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number. * *(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you. * *(Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls. * *(Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1s do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite , or Callaway Blue. * *(Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years. * *(Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure you will love them. * *(Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better? * *(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page Affordable Golf Ball Act passed by Congress. * *(Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites ? * *(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package? * *(Customer) Whats the difference? * *(Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls. * *(Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it? * *(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income? * *(Customer) What does that have to do with anything? * *(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy. In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department. * *(Customer) BallAid ? * *(Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf balls. So, if you cant afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge. * *(Customer) Who said they were a right? * *(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional. * *(Customer) Whoa.....I dont remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a right. * *(Receptionist) Theres no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the Constitution. * *(Customer) I dont believe this... * *(Receptionist) Its the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir? * *(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year. * *(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income. * *(Customer) Why? * *(Receptionist) To determine what your non-participation cost would be. * *(Customer) WHAT? You cant charge me for NOT buying golf balls. * *(Receptionist) Its the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. Its $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income..... * *(Customer)(interrupting) This is ridiculous, Ill pay the $49.50. * *(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater. * *(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!! * *(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%. * *(Customer) Look, Im going to call my Congressman to find out whats going on here. This is ridiculous. Im not going to pay it. * *(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, thats why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using. * *(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING? * *(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir * *(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door) * *(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf , have a nice day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.*
Posted on: Sun, 09 Mar 2014 12:32:18 +0000
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