Punny jokes. Which is your favorite? 1. Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more bean would be too farty. 2. Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one… …hes never gonna give you Up. 3. Why was the soldier pinned down? He was under a tack. 4. My penis was in the guinness book of world records... ...until I got kicked out of the library. 5. Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder. 6. What lies on its back 100 feet in the air? A dead centipede. 7. Why is the letter C afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are Not-Cs. 8. Whos bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Biggers son? His son, hes a little Bigger. 9. Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do? Throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter. 10. I went to a zoo, and the only animal there was a dog… …it was a shitzu. 11. Im inventing a new glue and calling it James Bond… …its a chemical agent. 12. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback. 13. What do you say to your sister when shes crying? Are you having a crisis? 14. I can see 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision. 15. To the person who stole my Microsoft Office. You will pay, you have my Word. 16. Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A barber. 17. They told me my blood was Type-A. But it was a Type-O. 18. What is it called when Batman leaves church early? Christian Bale. 19. Why dont you ever see Hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really freaking good at it. 20. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing. 21. Whats the difference between a Greyhound depot full of old people and a crab with big boobs? Ones a crusty bus station, and the others a busty crustacean. 22. What did the farmers wife say when he told her he was afraid to grow vegetables? JUST GROW A PEAR! 23. What do you call someone that doesnt fart in public? A private tutor. 24. I was going to buy a pocket calculator… …but then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have? 25. Why did Oedipus refuse to use profanity? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth. 26. I want to give a special thanks to sidewalks… …for keeping me off the streets. 27. Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating? Theyre in a stable relationship. 28. What font is alphabet soup in? Times New Ramen. 29. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison. 30. What do you call a stuck-up criminal going down some stairs? A condescending con descending. 31. What rock group has four members who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. 32. Whats Whitney Houstons favourite form of coordination? HAAAAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEE! 33. I met a girl at a soccer game… ...I think shes a keeper. 34. Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there isnt a single person in it! 35. Went to the opticians the other day, guess who I bumped into. Everyone. 36. If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, what would his album be called? Algorithms. 37. I accidentally pooed my pants in an elevator. Im taking this shit to a whole new level. 38. What did the angry doctor say? Im losing my patients! 39. Just saw the Lego movie… Seemed a bit pieced together to me. 40. I put my root beer into a square glass… …now its just beer. 41. So I used to be addicted to soap... …but Im clean now. 42. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? Its pasture bedtime. 43. I dont trust graphs… …theyre always plotting something. 44. Whats the fastest dairy product in the West? Milk, because its pasteurised before you see it. 45. What did baby corn say to mommy corn? Wheres popcorn? 46. Midwives… ...really help people out.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:08:39 +0000
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