REALITY EPISODES IN PRINT ~ 41: Chapter29: I Forgive God In the middle of an early February Sunday Sermon, the thought passed through my mind, “I forgive God for taking My Betty.” It came unbidden; I hadn’t thought that through at all. It had not occurred to me before this that I could or would or should forgive God. Me forgiving God! Thinking about that, I am somewhat dumbfounded that such a thought could cross my mind. I had to think about this. Take some time to sort this matter. Can a guy, an ordinary human being, forgive the Superpower, the Ultimate Power of the Universe? Its Creator, Sustainer, and Father of the Saviour of this World? He through Jesus forgives our sins and waywardness. Our shortcomings, sinfulness and even our obnoxiousness. He forgives it all! I decided to look up the word in “The Canadian Oxford Dictionary: The foremost authority on current Canadian English.” What did I really do Sunday morning? I really do not know! Forgiving God?! We do wrong. We are born in sin and choose to sin. Again and again and again. And God forgives. But where does scripture say anything about me forgiving God? To forgive, says Oxford, is to “cease to feel angry or resentful towards.” The word also means to pardon (an offender or an offense); to remit or let off (a debt or debtor). Of course God, in this case, or any case, is neither an offender nor debtor. He owes me nothing and by nature he cannot offend me. So the first definition must apply. It all hinges on me, in ending my anger and resentfulness. That has to be the nature of my forgiveness to God. I guess some of my FB language had suggested God is guilty of something, like stealing away My Betty. Or taking her from me when I needed her a lot more than he does. Or absconding with her when she really wanted to stay. Of not keeping his scriptural promises to heal. There were probably more accusations that I had already forgotten. It is true. God cursed mankind with death after the original sin. As a result we all die, the end of life here on this planet. Cancer, a part of that death curse, killed My Betty. But God did create the death sentence. Her death is his responsibility. But you do not accuse a judge of a crime or misdemeanor when he orders a judgment to be carried out. It is the law, and his/her sworn responsibility to fulfill the law and carry it out. It was not Betty’s sin that killed her, but the result of the sinfulness of mankind that had to be punished. The law must be carried out. God is just, and does not waver from his law. So I was not really “forgiving” him, in our usual understanding of that word. I was dealing with a heart matter, my heart. No longer will I be angry or resentful to you God, for taking My Betty. Nor for taking her too early. So help me God to really forgive you, and to continue in this new state of my heart. I have no idea where that thought came from that morning. God must have planted it. I must have somewhere somehow given him permission to do so. He knows my heart better than I do. I do not want to be angry or resentful. I told God, “Wherever that thought came from, thank you. Help me God, that when I am seriously missing My Betty, I just leave her in your arms of love. I do know that you love her and me and all of us. Gotta remember that most of all. I am going to need your help in keeping this commitment.” So I do forgive you, God. I hereby “cease to feel angry or resentful towards” you. I can’t thank you, yet, but I do forgive you.” That day I finally crawl into bed and, as usual, read for a while. Soon I closed my book, turned out the light, and snuggled under the covers, closed my eyes. Immediately the sentence flashed through my head, “Thank you Lord for taking my Betty.” I was totally surprised. Didn’t plan that prayer, just as I did not plan that prayer flash during the sermon the day before. I thought for a few moments about what I surprised myself by saying. But I was tired so soon slept, after glancing at my bedside clock which said 12:02 AM, Just about exactly 12 hours after I forgave God. I woke up before 5:00 AM. Usually do about then for a bathroom break. Thinking about what I had prayed five hours earlier. At 4:58 I decide to get up and talk to FB about this. When I word process my thoughts I usually can clarify them. Then I could go back to bed and get a few more hours of sleep. I make some Postum. A hot drink is good, but not coffee; I want to sleep some more in a few minutes. It’s not really Postum, but I like to call it that. They quit making real Postum several years ago. I saved my last glass container. I started drinking it about 60 years ago, long before I was allowed to drink coffee. This new stuff is called “Krakus”, a “Product of Poland”. Instant Coffee Substitute, which I get at the local Good Health Store. It contains: Extracts of roasted barley, rye, chicory, beet roots, a 100% natural product, it says. I use a rounded, almost heaping soup spoon full. It says “one rounded teaspoon” but I like lots of flavour. Added an individual packet of Splenda. Since then I’ve quite Splenda. It is pure poison. Now I use either Stevia or xylitol. The latter is very healthy. We now sell xylitol flavoured candy at our store, recommended by dentists. A friend said the other day that she uses Splenda to kill ants. So if you use the stuff, be thankful you are much bigger than them. “Thank you Lord for taking My Betty!” I said it – to God, at 12:02 this AM. How could I be thankful to him for the death of my loving wife? I sat here amazed that I said that, almost unbidden. I sip my Postum. Doesn’t taste too bad for a substitute. I know what you are thinking, that we are to thank God “in” everything, but not necessarily “for” everything. Well, look again as I just did. Ephesians 5:20: “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Why would I want to thank God for the worst thing that ever happened to me in 70 years? (70 years and 15 days, to be exact) Then, besides that, thank him “FOR” it while I am making music in my heart to him? I guzzle the rest of my Postum before it gets cold. I’m not so sure, yet, about the music in my heart part. That’s asking quite a bit. Thanking God for a heavy duty disaster that breaks your heart does something significant in your heart. I think it goes a long way to improve the mending process. I doubt if my heart will ever be completely mended. Always a large scar. But I was recognizing in my thanks to God that he is sovereign. He does what he pleases because he is in charge. And he always acts in love; that’s his nature. Love for Betty, love for me, for our kids and for our grandkids, and for everyone else who misses Betty, along with her multi-grain bread and sticky buns and corn chowder. By giving thanks I recognize that he did the right thing, even though that is not apparent to me and probably never will be while I reside on this planet. Sometimes a guy has to do something in the spiritual realm that doesn’t make a lot of sense to your physical here and now very earthy physical mind. God sometimes does ask a whole lot of us – too much, sometimes! Within 12 hours I forgive my God for coming and taking My Betty, and then took the huge step of thanking him for doing so. How could this possibly happen? The day previous I probably would have laughed if you would have said I was about to do either. The only explanation: so many folks had been praying for me. And deep deep in my heart I really do want a positive productive relationship with my Heavenly Father, today and for forever. He had honoured your prayers and my “secret” desires. In helping me forgive and be thankful “FOR”. I crawled back into bed. I need three more hours of sleep, so I hoped no one would phone till at least 9 AM. I really do have a quieted heart. And do I hear a wee bit of music?
Posted on: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 02:55:11 +0000