Random ass chapter from the middle of the book that I was writing about my teen years that I found in an online blog of mine: (Yea yea I know its not that good, youll be alright I was 18 when I wrote it) (just a back story, In this section I was on pass to go to a friends house for christmas break and child services decided for some reason they were not good enough to visit so they called and ordered me to go back to the group home to spend christmas. I freaked out, fell to the floor crying because Id not had a good christmas in years and didnt want to be locked away for christmas, my friends mom, Ms. Connie, told me that I could run away and live with her, so we planned to go back and I take off running away as soon as we got there so she could say she took me back and wouldnt get in trouble) Breaking Free: I was mad and couldnt sleep, but rested my eyes anyway. But I guess I fell asleep because I woke up to somebody shaking me. I opened one eye and saw Ms. Connie standing over me, asking If I was ready. I jumped straight up, and started rumpling my hair out of my eyes. I got my shoes and put them on, and walked out to the kitchen where everyone else was, and asked if I could take a sprite with me, in case I needed it in the aftermath. Ms. Connie left and went back to her room, and came back with a semi reflective jacket for me to wear so that she would be able to see me in case it was so dark that she could not see me when she came back around to pick me up. I gave Destyni a goodbye hug just in case for some reason I got caught and never got to come back and see her again. She told me goodbye, and that, when I came back, she wanted me to play barbies with her. Ms. Connie gave a sad kind of smile, and told me that Id be back. why wouldnt you? She asked. I dont know, I replied. She smiled and patted my back as we walked out the front door. With my heart pounding, I walked out to the car and lowered myself into the seat. Id left everything in the house, on Ms. connies instructions. After we talked it through once more, and decided that everything was situated, we drove off into the night. Images floated in front of my face. People laughing at me, telling me that Id never make it, never amount to anything. My social worker and her sorry behind self. Oak mountain youth services and how I was lied to and told that I was going to a nice group home, so they could get me to come here and get me behind those ugly locked doors. The way I never truly felt accepted anywhere that I went and how all that changed when I came to Ms. connies house. Tears welled in my eyes, blurring the dark night. Streetlights multiplied and one turned into three, viewed through my tears. I dont know if they were tears of sadness, or what, but one thing that I did know, was that this was going to be the biggest event of my life. I was turning a chapter in my life and forever closing my troublesome childhood behind me. I dared someone to find the guts to try to stop me right now. My thoughts were interrupted as the car stopped. I shook myself from all traces of sleep and looked around. Ms. Connie broke the comfort of the silence and asked, Are you ready? I looked up at the building that had housed me, seemingly as a prisoner for the last year, and mentally flinched. It looked so...................well..................so.........solid...........like whatever went in, never came out. I hesitated for a good second, then my body recoiled, and my feet were running away from the building before my mind even registered to me what I was doing. When I realized that I was actually doing it, I smiled, and felt the wind, strong, on my back, rushing past me. I gained momentum and continued tword the inviting darkness of the trees, out of the well-lit parking lot of the facility. As I gained the darkness, all of my worries subsided. My heart beat so hard, and Im sure that it was from me running so fast. My body was moving faster than Id let it in years, and it was like a wild tiger suddenly let free from a zoo cage. I cried, and I laughed, and I appreciated the whole world more than I ever had in my whole life, while in that sacred moment , I realized that I was FREE!!!! Something that I hadnt been in .........well, my whole life. I felt so much love at that moment, I loved Ms. Connie, I loved god, I loved everyone, the grass, and the trees, and the real food that you can only get OUTSIDE of treatment centers,-----everything! Thank you god, thank you I whispered to the clear starry sky, thank you. I saw the headlights of a couple cars behind me, and just to be on the safe side, I jumped down, shooting my hands out to break the impact. They passed by slowly, and the seconds seemed to crawl on like hours, and when they finally passed, I jumped up and started running. I saw a car and thought it was Ms. Connie, yet the car was grey in color, while Ms. Connies car was a creamy, off white color, but I was taking no chances, so I jumped back downing my little hiding space in the little dip in the side of the road. The car rode by unusually slow, and I started to get scared, because I thought that it was someone from oak mountain riding by looking for me, so I tried my darn hardest to blend in with the ground, just in case I wasnt as invisible as I thought I was. As the car got past me, I stuck my head up, and realized that was her, but they were too far gone for me to try to chase them down without being seen, because just as they were driving off, here came another car, and as I jumped down, I looked in the direction of Ms. Connies car, but they were too far away now. After that car passed, at least four others consecutively passed after that,. There was no way in hell that I would catch up to Ms. Connie if this kept on. I started to panic in my mind, and tears of fear rolled down my face. They were going to leave me!!!My dreams started to crumble right in front of my face as I realized that I had no means of staying alive by myself, with no money or anything, I was faced with two decisions, One, was to turn myself back in to oak mountain, the second, and most appealing, was to try and make it to the nearest phone, and inform anybody at home where I was, so they could call Ms. Connie on her cellphone and tell her my location so that she could come pick me up. I stood up and waited on a couple of idle cars to pass by, I started to hurriedly run twords the direction that I remembered a cluster of restaurants being at. Out of the blue, a car rode up in the lane across from me. I hoped so bad that It was Ms. connie, because I was getting so tired, and the euphoria of the situation had worn off completely after the first two minutes of running. I could hardly see who it was: It was extremely dark because it was a road in the middle of the woods, The only light came from the headlights that were blinding me. I was about to get in the back, because, since it was slowing down, I figured that it was ms. connie finally finding me. But to tell you the truth, I honestly could care less who it was, I was just THAT tired. Amberly? I heard: Is that you? I didnt respond, just in case it wasnt Ms. Connie. There could only be one other guess on who it could be. come get in the car, it is alright, we can work this out, just come get in the car, it is okay, you are not in trouble BULLSHIT. By this time, I had figured out who it was, and I knew their dumb little games, and I wasnt buying it. I know its got to be cold out there came the voice of the mysterious person behind the wheel. No. That was my only reply. Now that she mentioned it though, it WAS kind of chilly out tonight. I could see my breath as I exhaled. Its icy mist rose up and reflected through her car lights. They reminded me of apparitions taking form, and then, after only a short life,....fading away, soundlessly. In a way, they were like ghosts echoing of the person that I used to be. I started to get ready to run again, until I noticed that a car was slowly inching by in the lane on my side. I threw all caution to the wind and decided that I would just be going with whomever was in the car right here. When they got close enough, I hurriedly knocked on the back window as they cruised by, and they stopped, and a window was rolled down. Who is it? came a voice inside. IT WAS MS. CONNIE!!!!! I almost died with relief because after Id given up hope of seeing them again tonight, here they were, like an angel in the night. Amberly I replied, after gaining my composure, and I got into the backseat of the car. Go, go! I told them while simultaneously beating on the back of the seat that Ms. connie was sitting in. Mr. Charles looked back at me through the rearview mirror and chuckled at me like I was deranged. Im for real, go! That is oak mountain in the car behind you! That said, they snapped to attention, and Ms connie said , Go charles, take off and go that route I showed you! In seconds, the car was zooming away from the mysterious, faceless oak mountain staff in the car back there. But it couldnt be fast enough to keep me from worrying that they were going to grab the handle of the door and snatch me out before I had a chance to reach my destination. The car got away, The door remained intact. I relaxed. I hadnt known who the staff was, but who cares? After awhile all the faces blur into one. They all became one person. Once face, one body, with one mind. All with the intention to keep me locked away forever. To torture me. When one staff would hurt me, Id always treat the rest of them nastily, even if they personally didnt do anything to deserve it. Everyone eventually just thought I had a permanent bad attitude, even though that was far from the truth.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 04:28:56 +0000
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