Random ramblings about relationships... I think at the root of a troubled relationship is when we fall in love with who someone is & completely forget about the things we need. I think at the root of a doomed relationship is when we fall in love with who we want someone to be and forget about what we need. Needs dont go away, and like little children, they will be seen and heard until they are attended to. I think the base of a good relationship is loving someone for who the are and who THEY want to be AND making sure the relationship meets your needs. The tough thing is convincing your heart & learning how to adjust how you love the people that you already love but cant be with. Perhaps the way to deal with that is to turn your admiration into appreciation & limit your love to the way you love your friends or family. Basically, in my estimation, failure to acknowledge and communicate expectations and be honest about needs and deal breakers is the cause of relationship breakdowns. I think if youre not honest with yourself about what you need and what you expect, then youre not ready for a relationship. So if youre single, this is the perfect time either to lose your wants list, because as is, it wont help you, or look at it and get to the root behind why you want those things & what those things really mean to and for you. Either way, your focus of your wants should be replaced on prioritizing your needs. Perhaps getting to the root of your wants will prevent you from compromising or from missing out on something amazing and wonderful. I think also when you prioritize your needs and understand your wants, you can be ok with being single in the mean time. Just some thoughts and generalizations. It applies mainly to romantic relationships but also to friendships as well. (E.g. - Are your friendships mutually beneficial or are they lacking in meeting needs?) E.G. - Want a rich man = fear poverty OR fear being left out so you crave an opulent lifestyle. Need = financial stability and/or a life that offers fulfillment. Can you give up a want of a rich man, for a man who meets the need to have a life so fulfilling that you never have to look at others lives and think your missing out? Does he have to be rich to prove that you wont be poor? What about poverty do you fear? Deal with that and dont bring that into your relationship demanding that someone be rich because theres a lot of space in which to live between rich and poor. E.G. 2 - If he gives you attention and hes affectionate, but doesnt meet the needs of encouraging you, appreciating you, being stable, being wise about his or your decisions, caring about your feelings or goals in life or being responsible, then you need to acknowledge your needs and what the relationship is or isnt. Its ok to like what it currently provides, but dont focus on that at the expense of the needs that it doesnt meet. If its 1 or 2 needs not being met, maybe you talk about it and see if he or she actually changes, but if they dont or cant keep it up over time, then remember youre responsible for your happiness and what you do in your life... not them.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 06:22:20 +0000
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