***Reader Needs Advice*** NO BASHING!!! My boyfriend and i were together for 4 and a half years,early about a year into the relationship i messed up big time and cheated, the guilt sent me into depression, and i felt sick to my stomach with what i had done. For about a year, i wrestled back and fourth with wether or not i should tell my boyfriend, eventually i grew some balls and told him, and luckily he said we could work on it, after that our relationship seemed to be getting stronger and stronger, in fact one day he told me he respected that i told him what i did even though it took a while, and that meant alot to him, anyways we seemed to be getting over it, we were having a good time he got promoted at work, and i started a great work at home job, and we were talking about marriage we were buying wedding books, exchanging ideas for venues, color schemes, food menus, etc we even went to a few craft stores that had wedding aisles and browsed through wedding albums, toast glasses, guest books, unity candles he even at one point told me to start buying wedding stuff because he planned to propose very soon, in fact one day i even found a receipt from zales, and sure enough he was paying on an engagement ring. Than he decided to start going out for drinks more, i didnt mind cuz he never went out that much anyways which was probably due to the fact i told him it made me uncomfortable because he doesnt hold his liqour well at all, and i worry about him making it home safely. So that started happening, not too often, but maybe once a week, than one day he told me had to go help a girl at work who was having car problems, thats when i immediately knew something was changing, i was teasing him saying oh she wants you! because this was the same girl whos ex came into work, and my boyfriend had stood up for her and told him to leave. Well anyways in early april or late march he came home from work one night and our two dogs and i as usual jumped up and ran over to the door to greet him with hug and kiss, when i kissed him he didnt kiss back, and he had a glazed over look in his eyes, the same look he has when something horrible has happened, my first thought was he got fired, finally he said i cant do this anymore. I dont love you anymore, i havent been in love with you for a year actually. as tears welled up in my eyes i said ok so why did you take me hot horseback riding on my birthday in the middle of winter cuz you knew thats what i wanted most, and why did you buy me red roses, and chocolates for valentines day? He simply replied, i felt sorry for you. he than proceeded to tell me that he was done because i didnt keep our apartment clean enough, he felt that i was too attached to him, and that i never been on my own before and i need to experience that. For hours i begged him to change his mind, i was in complete hysteria, than he left in his truck, and turned his phone off. i immediately felt like someone had given me knock out punch to the gut i knew he was leaving for good and i couldnt stop it,. Eventually i find out he has a new girlfriend who is the reason he left me he even said look if it wasnt for becky id give you another chance but i love her and i deserve to be happy. than he would text her in front of me which the worst part was i could see the happiness on his face and his excitement about this new romance all the meanwhile i was literally falling apart at the seams, i already have depression to start with, and this threw me into a deeper stage of depression than ive ever experienced i had to get my medicine, dosage upped, and it still didnt help. so when my boyfriend left, i knew things were going to get worse it was just a matter of time because he paid all of our bills and i worked part time, at home,and aside from taking care of our phone bill and groceries he never told me i needed to take on more hours at work, or anything like that. so eventually i lost my apartment, which came the most heartbreaking part of this, i had to write up the email to my exs new girlfriend telling them i needed them to take care of the dogs, until i got a new place, so they take the dogs and i watch in the window, as they drive off with my children as i called them, i literally felt like a parent watching theyre children being taken away, than i found out they wanted to keep the dog i had the longest with my ex, and that i could have the other one back, which im glad i at least get one back, but i love them both so much. On top of having my dogs and my ex boyfriend this girl also got the bedroom set my ex bought me for my birthday, the couch i picked out, the two flatscreen tvs that i also picked out, and now she has my dreams of a wedding, i found out they plan to get married soon (theyve been together for about 4 months tops) and that they just bought a house. Ill admit if i hadnt cheated in the first place most of this probably wouldve never happened, but i really did regret it and thought i was doing the right thing owning up to it. I feel like this is my karma. And im still not finding the strength to keep from not crying every day i have abandonment issues, i have low self esteem and my ex was my everything we were best friends, lovers, and even during the worst of times we still managed to have fun. I dont know how to kick this cloud out of my life but its still hanging around, my friends almost called the cops because they thought i tried to kill myself. This home wrecker didnt just take away the man i love, but she took everything i loved away. and when i confronted her she apologized for my feelings and said im sorry but he didnt love you anymore. and we didnt mean for this to happen it just did. sorry guys i know this was a long one, ive never written this out like this. Thank you in advance for any advice you have for me
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 22:49:19 +0000
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