Reading this brought uncontrolled tears... Every single person has his/her own tests, some more trying in certain ways than others. There indeed are many challenges faced by any Chinese Muslim convert in Singapore; from our inner struggles, to the confrontations with our family, friends and society; from being absolutely confused by opposing views by everyone & every source while trying to find the right way, to feeling absolutely alone with no one at all to turn to but Allah. Nonetheless, as converts, we must understand and always keep in mind that the test is indeed *far greater for our family members than us*. For one, our parents & elders have painstakingly brought us up in the best way they know, steering us in the direction they think is best for us, expecting the best for us, then we, in our conviction of the Truth (though not so in their worldview), betray all that theyve done all this while and stubbornly steer in a direction very much displeasing to them. I still remember so vividly when my parents cry (even behind my back), asking themselves what theyve done wrong to bring up a daughter like me. The absolutely heart-wrenching thing is that they do blame themselves, when it is I who have not treated them justly. Secondly, in our eager pursuit to be as good a Muslim as we can, we often forget (especially in our early stages) our responsibilities to nonetheless be good daughters and sons, to be good witnesses firstly to the ones closest to us. We often use the sharpness of our tongues against those who taught us how to speak. These acts are many times unjustifiable even with noble intentions. Looking back, I deeply regret many things that Ive done to hurt my family, though I also understand that we have to be firm (in a just manner) in the Truth, for justice comes before graciousness. Thirdly, while we know our purpose for persistently doing what we do, our family has to deal with all the opposition from us not understanding why. In most of the cases, theyd eventually be too tired to try to bring us to the right track already and reluctantly surrender and grudgingly let us do as we please. Notwithstanding all these, in my opinion, no test family-wise is greater for a convert than being good witnesses of Islam to them and inviting them to the Ultimate Truth gently and with wisdom [66:6]. Id cry every single time I imagine them passing on without having taken the shahadah. Ya Allah, in this blessed month and throughout our lives in this world, guide us all to be among Your true and grateful slaves whom You are pleased with. For all the wrong that Ive done to my family, grant me the humility and lowliness to seek forgiveness and reparations with them. For all the wrong that theyve done, grant it to them, guide them and then pardon them. Allahumma ameen!~ Please keep me and my family in your supplications; Im indeed in need of them for Ive indeed done much wrong...
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 06:52:51 +0000
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