Reasons I Dont Have A Boyfriend: Episode 103 Int. Restaurant. Night. Me: Thing is, you keep trying to be Ben Affleck when in reality youre Ed Burns. You keep making smart, responsible moves instead of making Reindeer Games. Youre not a joke. Youve never been a joke and people have respected you since 1995. But here you are sulking in your vodka because no matter how hard you try, you cant seem to find JLo or star in Gigli. I want every good thing for you, but I cant convince you that Daredevil was bad while youre filtering it all through post Argo eyes. Him: Three words - Good Will Hunting. Me: No, you meant one word - Oscar. Because if you were looking for longevity, stability, fulfillment and creative freedom, it wouldve been two words: Brothers McMullen. But here you are signing on to do Phantoms. Its time to get your head on straight before Pearl Harbor. Him: Whats wrong with Michael Bay?!? Me: (eyes wide, blank stare) BARTENDER! Him: Maybe you just believe in me more than I do. Me: Thats a fact. As obnoxious as that may be, I want more Newlyweds and Purple Violets in this world. What Ben did, God bless him, I dont think hed wish that on anyone. That kind of comeback happens maybe 3x a decade. Affleck and RDJ have grabbed 2 slots already. Him: Ed Burns, huh? Me: Ed Burns. Him: Youre always right. Me: See, Ben would never say that.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 09:39:28 +0000
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