Receptionist: Hello, welcome to Obama Flowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you? Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers, whom Ive happily used for many years, stating my flower order has been canceled, and I that should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number. Receptionist: Yes! I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you. Customer: Thanks, I ordered a Spring Bouquet for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife. Receptionist: Interrupting, Sir, Spring Bouquets do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with red roses. Customer: But I have always ordered Spring Bouquets, done it for years, my wife likes them. Receptionist: Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them. Customer: Well, how much are they? Receptionist: It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold, or Platinum package? Customer: Whats the difference? Receptionist: 6, 12,18 or 24 red roses. Customer: The Silver package may be okay, how much is it? Receptionist: It depends sir, what is your monthly income? Customer: What does that have to do with anything? Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department. Customer: FlowerAid? Receptionist: Yes, flowers are wonderful. Everyone has a constitutional right to flowers. So, if you cant afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge. Customer: Who said they were a constitutional right? Receptionist: Congress passed it, the president signed it, and the Supreme Court found it constitutional. Customer: Whoa! I dont remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding flowers as a right. Receptionist: It is not really a “right in the constitution,” but ObamaFlowers, LLC is constitutional because the Supreme Court ruled it a tax. Taxes are constitutional so we feel it is a right. Customer: I dont believe this. Receptionist: Its the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir? Customer: Forget it, I think I will forget the flowers this year. Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income. Customer: Why? Receptionist: To determine what your non-participation cost will be. Customer: Whaaaat? You cant charge me for NOT buying flowers! Receptionist: Its the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. Its $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income. Customer interrupting: This is ridiculous, Ill pay the $9.50. Receptionist: Sir, it is $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater. Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off! Receptionist: Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%. Customer: Look, Im going to call my congressman to find out whats going on here. This is ridiculous. Im not going to pay it. Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. Thats why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using. Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING? Receptionist: So they get your GPS coordinates sir. The door bell rings, followed immediately by a loud knock on the door. Receptionist: That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers. Have a nice day and God Bless America.
Posted on: Thu, 05 Dec 2013 00:27:31 +0000
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