Round Tahi of the 2014 edition of Squash Games was kindly hosted by Royal Oak Racquets Club in some of the hottest and bounciest conditions known to man. It was almost as though a temporary reduction in gravity had occurred in and around Royal Oak. What could cause such a phenomenon? Well I’m not a scientist, but I think it would need to have been a serious counter-force, most likely caused by Chris ‘The Herne Bay Hulk’ Lloyd doing some pre-match lifting in the downstairs gym. Those players who had really only turned up to see Aileen Buscke and Royal Oak Manager John Fletcher ‘s face-off for the title of ‘Auckland’s Nicest Club Manager’ were sorely disappointed, as Ailes had a prior engagement and couldn’t make it. Fortunately we had Jo (or ‘slightly-younger-Ailes’, as she shall doubtless henceforth be known) to fill in by taking photos throughout the night. Look forward to next week when we’ll have double the amount of Ailes’s in the house! The first match on court turned out to be the game of the night. From the first (four minute long) rally, Todd Redman (Pirates) and Neil Rossin (Superheroes) seemed destined to fight each other to a standstill. Bouncy conditions, combined with their supreme conditioning, encouraged delightful strokeplay and the type of retrieving the Malaysian Airlines search crews could only dream of. #toosoon. At two games all, the result was too tight to call. Ten minutes later at 9-9 all in the fifth the result was probably still almost as ambiguous as Gina and Sundy’s relationship status... Two rallies and one fist-pump later, the choccies were Todd’s and the Pirates were off to a flyer. The Superheroes clawed it back with a win to Hayley Hughes, before BigMike Sunderland decided merely playing his opponent would be too easy, so successfully overcame both Michael Pittams AND rage blackouts to seal the win for his team. In the other pool B match-up, Hinds’s Harry Potters were up against Wagenaar’s Wild Westerners. Abbie Palmer, who was on first for the Harry Potters, obviously thought the Royal Oak court four floors were looking a bit dirty, so took it upon herself to clean them with the Westerners’ Steph Smith. It is no doubt this ‘can-do’ attitude that has seen her rise to the top of the junior ranks. Captain Hinds underscored the Harry Potters’ advantage with a tense five set victory over club-mate Nick McHugh, before the most enthusiastic – and most Daniel Radcliffe-resembling – Harry Potter of them all (Chris Lloyd) took the court and swished and flicked his 20 inch Head wand (dragon heartstring core) to conjure winners from all four corners of the court, relegating Dré Wagenaar to a runner-up finish. A 3-0 result for the Harry Potters left Captain Wagenaar of the Wild Westerners looking stressed about going the same way as Matt Elliot. Watch this space. Court two proved to be a very confusing place for spectators and punters like. Firstly, there were too many Georges in the McEnroe team. Secondly, what should they be feeling when seeing Michael Blanchard dressed in a naughty nurse outfit with his luscious long locks? To allay further confusion, the Georges will henceforth be known as Georgie-Porgie Shelton-Agar and Jorge Crosby. Prince George will just be called Prince George – we’ll probably see him next Tuesday. If the Royals skip North Shore Squash Club on their NZ tour they are mad. And re Blanchard… you’re only human. Just go with it. The result went in favour of the Naughty Nurses, with wins for Lisa Cowlard and Michael Blanchard, before Jorge Crosby got one back for the McEnroes over the Noonemeister General. The other Conference A match saw Thompson’s Tiger Woods’s take out Matiu’s Mongrel Mob in a drive-by skirmish (look out for next week’s retaliation). Captain Richard Thompson shocked all and sundry by picking up a quality four-set ‘W’ over Hone Cheeseman. Something about this format of squash obviously agrees with the man, as he continues to rack up victories against all odds and expectations, and in situations his ageing and hoary old body just shouldn’t be able to cope with. Sion Wiggin played exceptionally well to take a game off Chief Mobster Matiu TK-McQ – a performance that could well see the Mongrel Mob invite him to trial as a ‘prospect’. Ellie Epke sealed the win for the Tiger Woods’s with a close three set pounding of Kerry Wickett. The end of night prizegiving recognised Todd vs. Neil as match of the night, with kindly donated movie tickets (thanks Rebel Sport!) and chocolates. Georgie-Porgie and Lisa, as well as Leigh and Nick, were unlucky to miss out on this accolade with high-quality battles of their own. Player of the Night went to Jorge Crosby for managing to skunk the in-form David Noone. Jorge did an excellent job draining his souvenir glass, which will be going STRAIGHT to the mantelpiece at home. Cheezy took home the sweepstake riches, but looked worried about carrying them on his person with some pretty fierce looking pirates and Mongrel Mob members around. Being the first night, there was a bit of leeway for costumes. Prizes for best-dressed will begin in earnest next week at North Shore Squash Club. Rumour has it Kerry will be getting a facial ta moko, so that’s probably the standard to beat if you want to earn yourself a Titan grip!
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 05:54:26 +0000
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