SIXTEEN THINGS CALVIN AND HOBBES SAID BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the secret of immortality: combine predestination with procrastination Calvin: God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the perfect response to life’s most imperfect explanation Calvin’s Dad: The world isn’t fair, Calvin. Calvin: I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favour? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why water balloon fights should be compulsory after retirement Calvin: My only regret is blowing the best day of my life while I’m so young ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why most super geniuses end up Bond villains with thermonuclear devices Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On something we’ve all thought when confronted with an udder Calvin: Who was the first guy that look at a cow and said, “I think that I’ll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them?” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On mankind’s abusive relationship with nature’s wonder Hobbes: If people could put rainbows in zoos, they’d do it. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On science’s next big adventure Calvin: In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the ennui felt by those who long to get their morning coffee from Central Perk Calvin: Why isn’t my life like a situation comedy? Why don’t I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren’t my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don’t my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well-being when I have problems?… I gotta get my life some writers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the surprising similarities between principles and the New Year sales Calvin: I don’t know which is worse: that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why we can’t gift wrap people Hobbes: The best presents don’t come in boxes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why the Tea Party movement, like charity, begins at home Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I’ll bet there’s a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he’s heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I’d like to meet that little boy… and tell him the awful TRUTH! Calvin’s Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why history is not so much written by the victors, as rewritten by losers Calvin: History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That’s why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why men’s definition of love hardly varies between six and 60 Calvin: If mom and dad cared about me at all, they’d buy me some infra-red night time vision goggles. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the unexpected correlation between condiments and contentment Calvin: If you can’t control your peanut butter, you can’t expect to control your life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On why ‘edutainment’ is offensive to the human spirit and the English language Calvin: Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the truth, again Calvin: Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ via Book Riot
Posted on: Sun, 06 Jul 2014 08:39:28 +0000
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