Sat, 11/23: happy about the recent minds eye vision... its the old man, pure glowing white that I saw Feb 2012... wearing a doctors coat, him x3... 3 of him, or maybe it was 5... a few weeks ago, a holistic, healthy type even asked me if he could be my first patient. I didnt know exactly what he was talking about but I kind of thought that I was about in prime position now to be dr. healing to others rather than in patient mode... everyone is psychic and intuitive nowadays... And, Im officially like a mellowed out domesticated housecat... no longer an unruly wild child/untameable lion. It sure took a lot of breaking down and shutting down just to be normal. I cant even believe it myself. I guess now, life starts... a real, normalish one... though I already think I wont really ever live a normal one like most. Maybe Ill be wrong. Excited about my cotton candy pink stacked heels... and the bronze ones... and the stacked glittery ones... and the essential red apple ones... Ill now have to find reasons to wear them one. Ive been missing these my entire life. I felt a happiness and joy I never felt before once I tried them on. I had no idea. I had been living in trail shoes for years, sometimes Airwalks because I lived for daily dog walking... and the person I was around most days, remeinded me often, that no one cares, youre not in Hollywood so that was always a killjoy. It killed the joy out of the simplest things that made a big difference in how I felt, things that I had forgotten about--like red lipstick on ugly days... But I used to care too much to others opinions, ignoring what felt awesome for me... maybe it is an eyesore but if it made me feel human and non-masculine... Other peoples opinions do matter but it depends... on what... Discernment comes along with maturity I dont want.
Posted on: Mon, 25 Nov 2013 08:28:33 +0000