Saturday night, after (our standard) 3+ days apart, Robin came home to find me in tears ... as I showed him a hair-ball. And no, we dont have a cat living here. The hair was from my head ... it was the size of a gerbil (ok, maybe a mouse), balled-up, and had come from my head during my shower, and the comb-out afterwards. It was too large to go down the drain ... it had to be flushed. I havent seen that significant of a shed in a long time, maybe ever. It started four years ago ... when I went to my gynecologist, reporting that my former 1.5 day (every 35 days) periods were coming every other week, and lasting a week. This would NOT do. So, as my insurance was running out (mid-divorce) just as my body was changing on me, he put me on a low dose birth control pill, to regulate my hormones. And, it did regulate my periods. Three months later, following a heartbreak-up, I started experiencing some significant hair-loss ... which I then attributed to grief. I cut my waist-length, formerly thick hair, to shoulder length, until the shedding stopped. It didnt stop. It got worse ... and my hair went to above-my-shoulders, and continued to thin ... it got to where I sobbed every time I took a shower and washed my hair .. and it got harder and harder to camouflage the ever-thinning hair. I tried everything: Rogaine, biotin, boars bristle brushes, many hair-growth remedies, protein powder. Finally, I succumbed to wearing wigs. I found a manufacturer in China, who uses real human hair wigs, in natural colors, in many styles ... and I bought two of them, and began wearing them. Let me make you aware of something (that women already know): next to losing a breast, losing hair is THE most horrendous assault on a womans sense of femininity. I was devastated. During this time, I googled women who wear wigs without shame ... and found that many African-American women, Orthodox Jewish women, and (get this) beauty pageant contestants (!) wear wigs ALL the time. I *ALSO* discovered, to my horror, that the very low dose birth control pill Id been prescribed was the HIGHest on the market in androgen ... i.e., I was overdosing on testosterone, causing male pattern baldness ... so I switched to a low-androgen pill that was often prescribed to help women reverse hairloss (dont even get me started on why my doctor did NOT know this, and I had to find out, and become my own advocate, and how I was labeled one who reads too much about health on the Internet). After about 5 months of wig-wearing, covering up my hair, and ignoring it ... I finally allowed myself to get a haircut one day ... and discovered that Id had enough regrowth to stop wearing the wigs. I cried with relief. My nightmare was over. Soooooo I thought. Here I am again, shedding something fierce. Robin found me, in the bathroom, holding a large handful of my hair. I told him my fears, of going bald. Of losing my femininity. Of being ugly. As I sat there on the toilet (lid down), he pulled up a chair, in the bathroom doorway, and related some of his own getting-older, body-indignities hes dealt with. Then, he told me that if I wanted to, he would shave his own head, to match mine ... should I actually go bald .. OR, if we wanted to make a statement of inside-out beauty. I cried. I mean, we could both have fabulously-shaped skulls, and not even know it ... we could get matching head-tattoos ... we could become trend-setters. But ... Im not ready. I still want hair. Preferably my own hair. So, heres what Im going to do ... Im going to treat my hair with henna, to protect it ... Im gong to eat more protein, Im going to brush my hair twice daily with the boar bristle brush (to stimulate the follicles) and I am going to war my wigs. In doing so, Il give my hair a break, and see what happens. Im wearing one of the wigs now, as I type ... and yeah, I shouldnt have put mascara on. Thanks for listening ...
Posted on: Wed, 10 Sep 2014 20:22:53 +0000
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