Saying Goodbye. -Just one more night! I keep trying to tell myself, Its only a house. A material possession. Well have another one someday. My emotions arent buying it. Somehow, in the last 4 1/2 yrs. it became a home. A safe harbor that I could count on to be there when Malachi took his first steps- Where he and Evie learned to ride their 2 wheel bikes. I remember the first time I walked in. It felt sturdy, and comfy, and strong! We signed papers to sell it today. I cant believe its so hard for me to leave! What is all this sentiment Im feeling?? Im the one always getting rid of things. I keep a give away pile next to the door for all the extras I dont need. - But the memories! Id like to keep those- and Im scared they might get lost along the way! With 4 children, theres a lot to keep up with. I didnt realize Id depend on this home to remember it all for me. I handed 4 children over to Jesus in this lifetime. One was in a hospital, one was on vacation, but 2 of them were in my bedroom. Those walls held me while I cried to let them go. So many precious sounds echo from the hallway-baby laughter, and Calebs first talk with Jesus. And my most awesome backyard. My swing, and the one Nick built for the kids. It was such a Wonderful Christmas morning! Why did we sell this again?? Wait!! Can I change my mind? I want to leave the buyer a note that reads: “My husband built me that swing frame just the way I wanted, so youd better take care of it!” or “My sweet husband finished my bathroom while I was pregnant with Judah, so I could relax in my great big tub, so dont change a thing!” But you cant write that sort of thing in the sellers agreement. I look around and the house is still mine! I picked out that tile and walked on it barefoot. I made cookies in that oven while I watched Nick bury 2 dogs in the backyard. Its my favorite place to listen to the rain. The consolation is that its the people who make memories, not a bunch of lumber and sheetrock. -And I get to take those all-important people with me! If Im really honest, I can see that it was Jesus holding and rocking me through life. He just used this house in which to do it. So, God, I thank You for such an Amazing place that You created to take care of us. With Your help, I will slowly transfer every bit of security over to You- its rightful owner. Weve sold this house to get our finances in order, to not live above our means. I thank You that we could NEVER live above You- our true provider. Youre teaching me to throw away this idea of being “self-sufficient,” and instead be “God-sufficient.” What a trade off! I pray that you would store all those memories for me and help me to see that it was You making them beautiful. Any time I want to recall a favorite milestone, I can simply look at Your face, and it will all come flooding back because You were there, making it all happen. You are my laughter, my strength, and my songs. You held me through the tears, the pain, and the loss. And You will forever be my security, my rest, and my Home. Thank You for helping me say, “Goodbye.”
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:38:06 +0000
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