Scotland independence Or Relocation Over the months I have been trying to analysis the arguments from both the yes and no campaigns and have got more and more frustrated. I feel people are not educating themselves properly on the complex and brain taxing data available to digest, and thus are not making an informed choice. The altercations bustling on social media and the deliberation and confabulation taking place in pubs and clubs around Scotland has even silenced the Pub Expert ( every pub has one) who is normally never shy to interrupt a private conversations and thrust his ill informed opinion on the masses. I can summarise both arguments very easily. The YES campaign - Vote yes because we invented the Mackintosh Rain Coat and the Ned. The NO campaign - Vote no because your all thick scroungers and need England, plus England invented the Sea. The currency argument has been much deliberated and calculated however my response to the no campaign is simple - have you never heard of nectar points !. See that was easily solved. The reality is you do not need a sovereign currency. Anyway I digress from my main argument and the proposition I wish to tender to you good residents of Scotia. The main problem we face is not yes or no - its not -maybes I or maybes no - I put it to you our problem is location -location- location. Scotland sits between the Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea. We are continually bombarded with pishy weather. Rain, rain, wind, rain, rain and wind. We have the highest cases of Arthritis in the world solely due to our pishy damp weather. A lot of us have red hair, given at birth in a vain attempt to try and brighten up the place during the 11 months of winter. I say enough is enough - The debate is not yes or no the question is where should we go. The solution is obvious - all the decent people living in Scotland shall relocate to an uninhabited Caribbean Island. We will call it Novel Scotia. All we have to do is persuade Mr Tunocks , Mr White & Mr McKay to move factorys there and our balance of trade will be sorted. Hurricane season I hear you shriek, well thats also been considered, August - September we close down and move to Benidorm where you can stock up on cheap liquor and tabac. We will not require an army or a strategic early warning nuclear attack system. As a replacement we shall have a coconut throwing quick response swat team. Believe me a coconut thrown at speed that smacks you on the kisser is very sore indeed. I should know if happened to me and it seeded in my scalp (see above picture). Our new flag will be plain white which can be hung upside down and nobody will notice. We dont need a national anthem, if we are lucky to win a medal at any games, as the white flag raises we shall all to a man (and woman) shout get it right up you ! Well that is my preliminary findings, I still have a few Is to dot and a few Ts to eat before I deliver my final paper, however I feel sure that so far, I have made the most sensible case to date:- Its not yes and no its - where do we go. So on ballot day draw a coconut in the white box (new Scotland flag) instead of an x. See you all at the beach soon, Stuart Kinniburgh (CR, AP.)
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 19:50:13 +0000
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