She Pulled Her Pants… “I Fcked” (Part 13) I resumed work feeling fresh and fly. Na so I just dey run my things like say nothing dey happen. I don bone Perpetual side for like 4 days now. Which kind babe self she dey claim abi no be toto she ma get? You go send person recharge card, she go flash you make you call back, then she go tell you say she don see the card. Most times self, I go just dey wish say I fit just march go her house go collect all the money of the card wey I don buy for her. “Attai, Attai” Na wa o. This my colleague no wan free me. “Yes?” He come smile like say him don hit jackpot. “I had a very great vision.” My ear stand. All my mind be say him don see vision for me as I take become the first Idoma man to rule Nigeria. Well, if the country never turn to Arewa, Biafra and Odua by the time I ready to take the reins of leadership. “Really? Tell me about it.” I come leave wetin I dey type, carry my hand drop for my chin for full alert. “I saw myself.” Kai!!!! “You get vision for yourself come mean say na me suppose interpret am for you?” I asked him. He looked at me like I did not say anything, instead he resumed his speech. “You know I am like the assistant pastor in my church, I am now planning to build my own church.” Ahhh…. What plan would one who is still under tutelage have? “See, your hell fire no be here. So you dey plan to rent shop take begin your ministry eh? Choirs and female members don carry belle finish be that.” I chided him. “That’s why you need to change your life. I might consider you.” He concluded his speech not minding my interruption. “Mtchw… See this man. So you want the two of us to dupe people? Just say it out. E be like nollywood don too full your head oo.” I said to him and decided to face my work. “See Attai, you won’t understand. The bible says, Behold I come like a thief in the night.” That got at me. “I know. But you should examine your life first. Remember to remove the log of wood in your eyes before removing the spec in mine.” I cautioned him. “Ehm ehm” A female voice coughed gently. I lifted my head to behold a very pretty being. Men, the ways of the Lord is mysterious. “Please, can I see Isaiah?” She asked. Well, who am my not to do my job. I switched to phoney immediately. “Uhm, he is not around. I believe he should be on his way back to the office.” I ended with a sweet smile. My colleague sensing what I was about doing just shook his head and went into his office. Kai, who would see the creature before me and not give her the sweetest smiles? Most times, you don’t need to talk to some women, just smile. There are lots and lots of hidden messages in that smile. She sat down and waited for the dude she had come to seen. Minutes later the door flew open. The guy bounced in but stopped in his track. A look of shock then surprise then happiness (i be psychic na) flooded his face. The lady on her own just stood up and flew into his hands. They did not exchange words o, they just stood there hugging themselves, then walked out hand in hand. Me, I felt I had lost out of the game. Time to concentrate on something better. I went into my facebook account and began chatting with the numerous ladies there. “Can you help me do something?” It was Isaiah. “Anything o, as long as I go get my share inside.” “Kai, Foxy, ba za ka canza ba” **Foxy, you no dey change.** (No more hausa) Me, change? Him no hear wetin Paul talk about Ethiopians and leopards? “Haba, you know say you be my man. Anything for you men” I replied him. This gladdened his heart. I be winch? How I carry know self. “Can you help me prepare a Letter of Recommendation?” He asked. “Of course, why not.” I just went into my system files, picked one I had prepared earlier that year, changed the name to Bridget which he had given me, printed and handed him a pen to sign it. I was that good oo. “Thanks man. I go buy you beer.” I only laughed and gave him my famous remarks. “I don’t drink beer o.” “Alomo and weed go do be that?” He asked silently. We understood ourselves perfectly well. Though the guy is more on the drug addicted side. “Big time. Guy, na Boss place we go buy the leaves from o. You know say him vegetable always dey fresh.” I said and he grinned. He left me and went out, well, I was still smiling when my phone vibrated. I picked the crazy Nokia up and looked at the screen. One New Message. “I am sorry if I had sounded somehow the last time. You know I am just recovering from heartbreak and would not want to commit myself immediately. Please forgive me. It won’t repeat itself. I love you more than you love me.” Perpetual don come again!!! I dropped the phone. I was happy inside o but men, I was also confused. So this babe been don like me na im she wan turn me to her money bag eh. My finger just dey scratch me make I call her but my mind dey say make I relax. If I call am, e go show say I dey desperate for a come-back. Come-back to wetin self? Wasting my money without tasting shi-shi from her honey pot. Some girls just dey too wicked walai. After guy don spend for you finish, you go come break up with am. Once them realize say them really gain from you and no maga dey forthcoming, them go use sweet talk take bath your ear. If you mumu, you go fall the second time. “Na wetin this babe want now? After she don form finish she wan come back. Maybe I go draw her oil this time” Na so I dey carry talk to myself when something dey bother me. Una no fit blame me sha, every man dey always determine to succeed for where him been fail before. “brrr brrr” My phone begin ring. I look the call, na so I ignore am. The phone come ring 4 more times. All na Perpetual dey on the line. Kai, I just dey gyrate say na my time to do yanga be that. I no call am till when I close from office. Na that time I say make I call her so that I go gist the short journey from my office down to bridge or massalaci junction wey I go see car enter. “The number you are calling is not reachable. Please try again later” Thunder go fire MTN or the mumu network wey no good. Useless people wey no dey like their customer enjoy better thing. Na so I say make I begin vex when my phone start to dey ring again. “brrrr brrrr” I no form big boy o. After all, na she wan apologize no be me. Na so I pick the call come keep quiet for like 5 seconds. “Hello, are you there?” Kai, I miss that voice. Na so I swallow spit compose myself. I no wan talk like say I dey excited. Everything na step by step. “Yes, I am” I answered, my voice come even surprise me. The bass just come out, men, I come dey trip for myself. See bass abeg. “Did you see my message?” See question. I blind? “Nah, did you send any message?” I want make she use her mouth take talk wetin dey the message. Una no fit blame me na, once the wind change, na to mess follow the direction. Na who dey road go hear the smell. “Ok, maybe network is holding the message even though it showed ‘delivered’ on my phone. Did you see my missed calls?” Them no dey lie for this kind question. Mind you, no be lie I dey lie, I just dey play matured game. “I did but I was busy.” Na so her voice change… “Busy doing what eh!” O boy, the babe never change o. “If you are going to talk to me in that manner, I will drop this call” Na so I threaten am. By that time I don dey wait for car make e come. “I am sorry. I love you and I want to be with you.” Walahi, this kind question no be me dey answer am, na my diicck dey always do the talking. The preek just charge slightly as my mind just imagine how her body go look like if she no wear cloth. “hmmmm…” Na wetin comot from my mouth but for my mind na “I FEEL GOODDDD… TA RA RA RA RA RA”. “Is that all you will say?” By that time car don come and I don jump enter inside after elbowing one guy comot from road. The guy self just dey outside dey abuse me. For where, I send am, me don enter car, na wetin important be that “Hey see, we will talk later. I just entered into a car.” (this line famous ma) Na so I drop call before she fit protest. Minutes later…. “I will be waiting for you in Oceanic Bakery” Sweettttttt!!!!!!! WATCH OUT FOR PART 14
Posted on: Mon, 01 Dec 2014 11:39:44 +0000
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