Short story long....People will ask me why I am not going to my High School Reunion this weekend and its simple. Most people dont know that I almost dropped out of school going into middle school. My little league career was on the downswing, I mean sure I struck out Paul Vasend in the sixth grade but that same game I suffered a very serious injury to my tear ducts as they began to open up in the dugout beyond control as I gave up 10 runs in the first inning. Then Jess Yoder collided with me at first base and my glasses were bent. It was over for me as far as my little league career went. But I pressed onto Jr. High with little hope, that was until I went to cooking class and met this kid, Aaron J. Carr. It gave me a new reason to get up everyday. I had to become this guys friend. We sat at the cooking table everyday and sometimes he would even say something to me. I realized right then and there that I had to impress him. I went home every day and worked on my dish washing skills. I had built up an immunity to hot water and I scrubbed and cleaned those dishes spottlessly but still it got me nowhere. Home economics were over for us at the end of the year, but still I pressed on into high school. But he barely even knew I was alive. He spent all of his time with this girl named Tracy Robinson Carr. I wonder whatever happened to her? Anyways in high school I tried to play it cool and give him back the cold shoulder hoping that it would draw him in and we could go hang out at the 7-11 after school maybe play some pinball, maybe share our best slurpee combination ideas with one another. But it was all failure. I settled on friendships with Frank Hurtado, Travis Laack Robert Nobles, Ariah Geck(The greatest locker partner a senior could ever have), and others. Yet still I had a gaping hole in my heart. We graduated high school and time began to pass and I forgot all about this red headed Coolio. But then Brian Albers invited me to star on his Bomb Squad Mens Softball team. Of course I accepted. At practice guess who I ran into? Yep it was Aaron. Was this some grand scheme of his to win my friendship after all these years? Possibly. Anyways I was the star of the team of course and led them to a state championship (that part might be exaggerated a bit, ok compeletly). Thanks Coach Albers for always yelling at me and telling me to knock it off when I was screwing around, you made me the man I am today. But as quickly as the season was over, me and Carr grew apart. So I came up with a scheme of my own. I decided to marry some random girl (your welcome Erin Fischer) and decided to have some kids. Why you ask? Last year a Keizer tournament team was formed consiting of 10 year old girls. My plan had come full circle as my daughter Emily and his daughter Grace were teammates. Twice a week we had two hour practices. There was no chance for Aaron to resist my charms and quick wit. Long road trips where he couldnt avoid me publicly were a key too. It worked, but I think it worked out better for him because I think I taught him how to be a great man and an even better father. Your welcome Aaron. And now we are best friends and we got dirt bike racing, well technically we play Bike Race against each other but its kind of the same thing and well you get the picture. So since to summarize the reason I wont be attenting the stupid reunion is there is no point. I have attained all of my goals in life. Well accept becoming a pro baseball player. So all you chumps have a great time at the reuinion because me and Carr wont be there! Well probably be at 7-11 playing some Pinball or something else really epic like that. Try not to hate on us if you can.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 18:23:09 +0000
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