Sister needs love, support and Advice........ This is just what needed to read today! And I took photos of it to share. I just had like three days of the self pity and why me. I didnt go to work. I was on auto pilot when it came to dinner. Im lucky that my two boys are older. And they let me be but I could of sank into a deep depression and fast. They say an addict is an addict for life. I wonder if anyones ever compared that to us. I mean..... We will always be survivors. The physical wounds may or may not heal. But the mental wounds, the words, the memories. ( I have goosebumps writing this now) they never go away. They fade, sometimes the original harsh blow of the words is soften by time. However just like a song can bring on memories or a scent. Reminding your self to stay strong brings back memories too! Like, why we gotta stay strong and move forward. Why we left and what he did. No matter how big or small the abuse U WERE HURT, I WAS HURT!!!! I didnt want to be in bed all day. I recently relocated and Im having a hard time finding a house My first time with no car since I was 17. I dont want to spend Christmas in a motel My family dont know where Iam for safety so there goes Thanksgiving. My friends are all on Facebook the ones I could afford to keep. My location is wrong on purpose. Hes still locked up. But he gets out in December. Ill probably delete my account for awhile. Im so scared. Why are they letting him out? You dont have to have kids like me to get away. He told my boys he wanted to chop their heads off and watch them die yes, I blame my self because it took him less then a minute to scar my boys!!!! I carelessly thought: as long as I hide his anger from the kids, as long as we dont fight in front of them. As if it was ok to be a damaged Mom. I should love my self first to of love and protected them more. Once his anger boiled over and all I did was went to the bathroom. Im still trying to heal from that self guilt. I had a friend die in front of her 2 year old daughter We always hear of how bad it can get and think: well, its rare, hes not that bad, I have it easy or its just verbal. Verbal and physical hurt no matter what, when , where or why. Look at my boys. That was verbal. Maybe you dont have to drop it all and run like we did and hide so to speak. Have that safety plan, have two!!!! I know we have more then one! If I would not of went to a new friends house last night & met new friends. I may still of been in bed. Its not easy. Sorry, Ill be honest. I dont have a rich mom or dad to take me in. Were walking in the cold. True story the day he got arrested we got robbed. Some guys were after him. When they didnt find him ( we were at DV shelter) they took everything. He owned almost nothing. So they took all my clothes my kids clothes camp gear shoes art work my lap top with ALL my photos. They( thieves) didnt care. I filed police report did all I was to do but now here we are with nothing. Its gotten cold and were not used to the climate or snow. But were safe!!!!! Out of all of this I know Ill always remember, may always look over my shoulder. Yet, Ill wake up each day and so will my boys 9-13 safely. Im not perfect by any means. I may never have the perfect life. Im not on here being someone Im not. I dont like being a victim thats why I like this page being called survivors. If your not out yet, or are trying. I dont know Katy personally or anyone on here really. However its amazing I found this site because it HAS HELPED! I hope it helps others and those trying to get out if your not getting help. Come here and ask because you just never know. I didnt mean to share my story and write a novel lol - but I figure everything happens for a reason. Maybe someone needed to read this. Sometimes I cant believe Im free, or how I was so blind before. He was a good manipulator they usually are. I seen the movie about Tina Turner when I was younger. Now, I know I wont go back. Im pulling Tinas last move and moving on for good!!!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 19:48:51 +0000
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