Six years ago .... right this moment.... Kayla was in chicago with her Upward Bound buddies ---- little did we know that these next few days would be the Last --- the last we would be a Whole Family --- The Last we would be truly happy for a very long time.....the Last days that I would ever feel normal............. i have relived those last moments, last touch, last words so very many times ...... I have led my family at Kaylas gravesite -- talked about Kayla, made orange ribbons, made T-Shirts, attended graduation with that sad empty chair.... went to Band concerts and listened to songs in memory of my girl....attended weddings and birthdays and baby showers and baby birthdays for Kaylas friends , , held my head high and said Kaylas name --- so NO ONE will forget that she was here ===that she Lived! And --- what have i learned in these 6 years? ive learned that when your child dies , people you never knew will help you , because they too lost a child -- or someone close to them did. Ive learned that there will always be a few folks that will NEVER look you in the eye or speak to you again..... i think in the beginning they dont know what to say-- and then they are just ashamed that they avoided you. ive learned that no matter HOW MANY children you have ... you always miss the one that isnt there.--and I always say i have FIVE children... Ive learned that Child Grief is Forever..... some days I can cry like it was the very first day... it still hurts just as bad. Ive learned that the second year is the Very Worst..... and that no one but yourself can pull you out of the deep clutches of depression . Ive learned that attitude is everything. i didnt blame anyone, i have never been mad at God, and ive tried to always be thankful... thankful that i was there and knew what happened, thankful that Kayla wasnt missing, or murdered or suffered for days or months, thankful that we didnt lose 2 precious girls that horrible night.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 04:18:57 +0000
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