Sleepless again tonight, which is fairly common for me when Ive had too much caffeine or a lot on my mind. Tonight, its probably a little of both. I keep thinking about Robin Williams and the crushing burden of depression that led him to rig up that belt on his closet door. Ive already been through shock and disbelief and sadness, and I think Im entering into anger, although Im not sure thats the correct order for grieving people. My mind will not let this go because here, on Facebook, I read about friends who have also struggled with depression and Im astonished at how many there are. On TV, I see replayed interviews with other celebrities who admit to suffering with it, also--like David Letterman--and have learned that its a very common condition among comics. Theyre doing their best to make us laugh, but often, the jokes come from a dark, personal place. I understand just a little about this condition from reading more about it--and Ive done a lot of that in the last two days. Ive learned that the Seasonal Affective Disorder that sometimes hits me in the winter is a milder form. Ive always just thought of it as my hibernation syndrome, because as the days get shorter, all I want to do is eat carbs and curl up on the couch under a quilt. Fortunately, its never very severe and I usually know what to do about it (get more sunlight), but I suppose if I had to live in Northern Alaska, it might get to me eventually. Ive only known a couple of people (up close and personal) who have gotten so down that they wanted to take their own lives. Ive known a couple of family members who were so physically unwell that they said they were ready to die, but they werent the kind who would take matters into their own hands. I wonder if that was a factor in Robin Williams case--that, despite having survived a couple of serious health problems, he had received more bad medical news? I dont think well ever know for sure. Im just sitting here grappling for answers--anything to make sense of it so I can get it out of my head. I hope you are at peace, Robin. I hope there is laughter in Heaven. Goodnight.
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 06:59:20 +0000
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