Smiles for 6-28: Laundry One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, What setting do I use on the washing machine? It depends, she replied. What does it say on your shirt? He yelled back, Texas A & M. Thats Not It A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, Thats not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, Thats it. Tickets A couple with three children waited in line at San Franciscos Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. Five tickets, please, the father said. Two round trip, three one way. Career Change When Ruths grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, Oh no, oh no, now I cant be a doctor when I grow up. Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldnt. Finally she asked, Why cant you be a doctor? Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, Because now I will have to be a pirate! Sarahrella After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. Make three wishes, she told her mother, and Ill grant them. Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, I wish to have a trim figure again. The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. Ill need more power for this! she exclaimed. Keep Your Seat A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, Heres another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat, and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, Look, lady, youve got to let me get up. Im two miles past my stop already. Batman I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy. While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation. I tried to explain to her that it wasnt a real place. She laughed and said It is, too. Its where Batman lives. I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been four of them: Bale, Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton? She looked me straight in the eye and said, Thats because he doesnt want anyone to know who he really is. Marriage - Its not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. Shes not marrying the best man. - They have come up with a perfect understanding. He wont try to run her life, and he wont try to run his, either. - He believes that marriage and a career dont mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job. - After the wedding ceremony was over, a little girl asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another. - They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But, he finally decided to let her go. - He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, Youre the boss. [ arcamax ] =============================== Two web sites for Illusions sandlotscience/ torinfo/illusion/directory.html
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 05:40:14 +0000
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