So, I have come to realize that theres nothing in this world I can - TopicsExpress

So, I have come to realize that theres nothing in this world I can do to make mom happy or give her a better life. She enjoys being miserable it seems, and no matter what positive fix comes our way or I try to create or provide, she refuses, denies it, pushes it away, and remains unhappy and depressed. Okay, enough! Im tired of feeling miserable, depressed and dragged down, and every time I try to make a positive change and get us pointed in a different direction, she fights it and it brings me down too...I think I have finally come to see that this is really all about misery loves company and the further she can drag me down to match her low, thats what she lives on - what fuels her. Okay, I see why you and dad didnt make it and I see things a little more clearer now that Ive cut the emotional umbilical cord...I want a better life and to better myself. I want to surround myself with positive, productive people...not self-destructive, depressed and suicidal people...I have tried for so long to help her, try to make her happy and try to provide a better life...well, she refuses that and I see that now, and I choose to be happy, successful, productive and positive, and I am moving forward and making that life for me. I wanted that life for mom - I wanted that life for ME and MOM, but she doesnt want that. She is content being miserable. Well, I am breaking away and not following suit like so many other people in my family. Im not okay with being broke all the time or living in damn near poverty...Im not okay with being the victim or crying over my sorrows or who did this to me. I am standing up, taking it all in...a deep breath and letting it all go. I know what I want and I am going for it. I have had coattails for people to ride, but they just keep slowing me down...I am shedding the extra weight (burden) and moving forward in a positive direction. I dont want to die here, and thats what it has come to: Leave now, or live and die this way. Im not okay with that. I am pushing past that barrier and doing what I now feel I should have done a long time ago... And that my friends, is simply changing my way of thinking, my way of approaching, and my way of doing...it all begins with a state of mind and going for what you want...and KNOWING what you want. I do, and Im going for it. No regrets. No excuses. Regrets...They dont work. They only hurt. Excuses, just waste time. I want my time here to count for something. I now see things a little more clearly and realize I cant save them or win them all. Im sorry to all the people I have hurt, and that have been hurt because I was so determined to save my mom. She doesnt want saving, and anyone who has ever tried to help has only been dragged down too until they had no choice but to walk away and leave. Well, now Im doing just that, and its not to hurt her, but to better myself. I am doing this for me, since she doesnt want me to do it for us...for her. I am doing this for me.