So I just realized that not many people know what exactly I feel when I think of the relationship (or rather lack there of) I have with my father and why I dont just start talking to him again. So here they are, summarized of course: When I think of Clint, he does not deserve the title father in my eyes, I feel only the pain that comes with being abandoned. During my senior year, Clint walked out of my life and has not looked back. I know him walking out was partially my fault and I have accepted that, but I was only a kid wanting to assert some independence. Now, I know I am better off without him in my life but that does not mean it doesnt hurt. It hurts that I no longer have that figure in my life. It hurts that I wasnt important enough to him for him to stay in my life. It hurts because it honestly feels like he never actually wanted me.It hurts that I now constantly think about what I could have done differently to make him love me. It hurts that I know that even if we were to start talking again it would NEVER be the same. I will never have that unconditional love that a daughter has for her father. I will always be worried that he will turn on me again, that I will do something wrong and he will stop loving me all over again. So those who tell me to just talk to him, it is not that easy. Talking to him means facing the built up pain that has accumulated over the past 2 and a half years. It means that I have to stare the man who abandoned me in the eyes and ask why and I honestly dont think I would be able to handle the answer.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 20:46:14 +0000