So I learned a lesson today. Im not the best communicator, lol. Ive actually known that for some time. I am aware of it though and practice to do better all the time. Charles Scott has been my greatest teacher of late. Recently Ive faced a challenging situation. I observed, I felt, I listened. I learned that in my experience, not talking about things that bother you only make situations worse, we prolong them for no good reason at all, in essence wasting precious time. I could be dead by the time I finish this post. I guess Ill find out. Why do I waste time? Why do I allow things to fester? Why can it sometimes be so uncomfortable to take the first step to communicate a wrong, or a grievance I have with someone. Why have I been prescribed medication to help deal with this? What is so awkward about being the first person to engage, or admit wrongdoing? Why is that feeling there? Do you feel the same? I am not going to be awkward anymore, if it creeps up, Im going to break through it, feel my way through it to be able to talk. Not dealing with a situation directly with the person involves is like letting a cancer grow while you tell every other person about it rather than your doctor. It does no good. It causes anxiety, pain, stress and suffering. For anyone that feels the need to express something to me please do so, dont hold it back even if you think I will be hurt. Its best to let it go and tell me. If your anger, pain and stress has been collected and you choose to make me your punching bag, your whipping boy, your excuse, your blame, your reason for all things terrible, know this..... I do not hate you. I do not blame you. I do not wish you Ill will. I hope for you to be happy, to get better, to grow and to be fulfilled. If you feel hatred, jealousy or anger towards me I forgive you. If you have no respect for me, I still respect you, your feelings, your contributions ..... The things I like and dont like that you do, I still realize you are a human being, like me. I do not want to hurt or harm you in any way, even if that is what you feel towards me. You may wish that I would just go away, leave town, quit or even May wish death upon me. I will not return any of these feelings to you. I cant, and the reason why is because even with your feelings towards me, I have compassion for you, Ive just realized that the pain I feel is not from being the focus of your anger, but instead because you have the anger. To return negative feeling will only hurt me. I am not able to do this anymore. So it makes me sad, not because I am the target, but because you are the weapon.
Posted on: Thu, 30 Oct 2014 16:06:59 +0000
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