So I leave work after a 10 hour day, and am facing a 68 mile trip home. As the sun goes down, traffic is getting slow and I occasionally see blue police lights in the distance, yet I never pass any accidents, traffic stops, etc. As we crawl along in the dark at +/- 30 MPH, I can see yellow caution lights and realize that the police lights arent on the side of the road, theyre IN the road, because the traffic tie ups are due to a wide load that someone thought would be fun to transport on a 2 lane highway at rush hour. Insert mumbled cussing here. Thankfully I have 105.9 out of Orlando playing 80s hits. My opportunity to entertain the snooty looking couple in the Buick next to me with decent air drums to the tune of Van Halens Jump, Survivors Eye of the Tiger, and Frankie Goes to Hollywoods Relax. The scowl of disapproval was enough to prompt me into CD mode and wouldnt you know it, Public Enemy was already queued to the refrain of ...suckers to the side you know you hate my 98 (Olsdmobile)... I dunno if they got off at the next exit cause of the music or just by chance, but either way I amused myself. Note to the universe: never make a someone with statewide law enforcement dispatch too frustrated and/or bored. They know where everything is, and how everything works. Its just too easy for bad things happen. Plots get rolling that involve planning the perfect place to perform a Pitt maneuver on the migraine-inducing blue lighted vehicles, now only a dozen cars ahead of me. Risk-reward analysis occurs in an attempt to consider everything from get away routes to the best spot for lousy cell phone reception to minimize good Samaratan involvement or eyewitness descriptions of me and me vehicle (damn, all that air drumming gave me pause cause I KNOW people saw it). Consideration had to be given to the day of the week and the time to come up with routes to the airport and an ad hoc list of countries with no extradition and possible one way direct flights within the limits of my P-Card. So many details. Then, I realize with exasperation that Id have to come back for my cats. Oh, and my wife. And my stuff. And I hafta hit the grocery store anyway - soup day at work tomorrow. Screw it. Just get home. Finally, after going 53 of the 68 miles to home at a mind-numbing pace, Im able to get within a few car lengths of the wide load and LEO vehicles. It strikes me suddenly that I had assumed these were FHP units - cause wed been through Marion, Sumter, Lake, and now into Orange County, and no hand off occurred between agencies, so it made sense that this was state level LEOs, right? As we approach Apopka, the convoy is ready to drop its load (see what I did there?), and Im finally close enough to see that these arent FHP cruisers, theyre big ass Ford trucks. These are MY FWC GUYS!!! I went all that way and coulda been messing with them! Ooooooh *#$^%(& !!!! Somebody owes me a Starbucks damnit! (Was this you Joe?)
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 01:38:10 +0000
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