So I still not sure about posting things on Facebook, of course Ive had some help from others. Today my eyes were opened like never before. I have been talking with old friends from school days to present. Growing up I would let someone pick on me because I didnt want to in turn hurt their feelings. Ive never been scared of physical pain or adversment. I thrived playing football, not only did I love the sport but we were all out there in pads so should have protected us some what, but I would unleash a rage that came from deep, wanted to hit someone so hard they didnt want to get up or get near me again. Off the field I avoided all confrentations possible. I always loved my Lord Jesus, I think I got a little confused about always turning the other cheap, my cheaks are pretty tore up now. I was scared of collegue, I had several oppurtunities to play ball for collegue, even had a try out set up for me for the Saints in late 80S. I was always scared if I did make it, I would disappoint someone. I have been scared of disappointing someone else my whole life, I figured if I disapionted myself first it was easier. Ive settled for situations that I knew wasnt what I wanted but figured I couldnt disappoint that scenerio. So Ive been raddling on about my life, whoever actually has the patience to read this, thank you. Ive always been phsically able to do more than some, power lifting, wrestling, body guard. Short stint in the army, I wanted ranger so bad, I didnt take the time went thru ever volunteer and accelarated assignment to get there. I dont know if I didnt do it for the right or wring reason but I got hurt and was offered another MOS, no way I wanted to be hard core, I WAS good but God had other plans, so the gave me an honorable medical discharge, I felt like I WAS a big disappointment to my dad, I never got over that. I have always felt that I WAS disappointing someone, so I would do things that were a disappointment. I cant believe I wrote all this crap but anyway, I am in a situation now that its time for me to not just be strong to survive but strong to overcome and get back to being the tool the Lord expects me to be. Ive done a lot of different things thru the church, volunteerd, whatever. I dont know what Im going to do, I have said it and herd it a hundred times to give it to God, I thought I had but I obviously wasnt 100%. I have been a fighter my whole life, now Im a fighter and Im gonna let our Lord led me, Im always scared of hurting people, why if the treat yiu like crap, why because the Lord said love your enimies, love everyone. Another place I havent had my hed right, you can love everyone but that doesnt mean let them step on you and kick you after they have you down. The Lord wants us strong, he knows we will hurt, we I have to let him guide me and the people affected by my actions, I will show them the love and care the Lord commands but I will not be the dirt on the bottom of their feet anylonger. Ok, so I wrote a noval. Thank you to everyone, some will understand this more than others but I hope this can touch anothefs heart that has gone thru some of the same self confidence issues. By the way, went to community collegue in 96, 97, didnt complete but carried a 4.0. Thats not a Bragg, if I can do it anyone can do it, I pray others will finish. May the Lord be our strength and give us guidance thru all our internal and external warfares. Forgive the noval
Posted on: Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:59:33 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015