So Ill do something I rarely do and that is share something that Ive written. Here goes nothing... When you walked away I was confused, broken, emotionally destroyed. Darkness and depression where my first feelings I felt after that night. For a long time I couldnt think about everything that had happened. Processing that this was happening was difficult and brought the pain to a forefront. I did what I knew to do I reached out to others I talked a lot about what was happening and how I should feel and how I should deal with things. I was told to man up or that everything will be ok or that time heals all things. While some of those things are indeed true it hurt to know that was my only option. Move on. How do you do that after giving your heart and soul to one person for years? It is something that I still struggle with knowing that when I go home there is not a face there that wants to know how you are as a person and let you know that you are loved. I have a great group of friends that really became more like family in my darkest of times. But when you go home and your alone it is still hard. Being alone at night and not having someone there has taken getting used to over these last several months and is still hard at times to comprehend. I have begun the healing process and moving forward step by step day by day. There are still those reminders of the past that will come out of nowhere and bring the pain with them. Its human nature I guess. Seeing those reminders and re-living those moments. I know that time has elapsed and that I am in a better place now then I was just a few months ago but I still find my self sitting here and thinking occasionally about everything again. The good and the bad. The times that wont be forgotten and the times I wish I could forget. I guess it somehow is a part of moving on and knowing that my past has created who I am today and who I will be. One day I hope to find that person that can fill the void that is left in my life. Someone to laugh with and share my feelings with and someone that will love me for who I am. In time I believe this will happen. But for now I can only be me. Delaney. Who I am as a person is an ever evolving mystery to me but I think I have a pretty good idea of who I am and where I want to be. So for now I just continue to do what I know is best for me and for Jude. Thats all I can do right now. Sorry for the long post just had that on my mind tonight.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 03:30:33 +0000
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