So Im scatting my morning away with ms. Fitzgerald and I realize that OH! I have so many things I need to attend to today. Which leads me into todays segment of FOOD FOR THOUGHT, starring ME! Nathan. This mornings topic is morning routines. So I awake as as the person who sleeps next to me does and we rise with a groggy hello. Are there any of you out there who just happen to look like kate moss when you wake up because I happen to look like a baked potato upon arousal. The boyfriend seems to have this knack of being one of those Im doing laundry in basketball shorts and still look like a model faces but unfortunately for him, and me, mine is more of a Jodi Arias at the trial face. Just wispy bangs, a bad dye job and puffy, fatty under eyes. NOW ITS TIME FOR COFFEE, assuming I can get my eyes to focus, I can usually accomplish this feat with minimal pain. Some of us wear glasses. Some of us have glasses that broke in 2011 and have been just winging it ever since. So I make my coffee and now its time to kiss the bf good day. He leaves and its alone time for Nathan. Lets talk about showers... Personally, Im a top to bottom man. I start with the hair, and work my way down to the pumice stone. For me a shower takes around ten minutes. Thats without excessive singing and posing. SHAVING. Shaving hurts. Thats why most of the time I look like a door to door salesmen during the depression. Just a little scruffy. A pig in knickers. But, we all have to do it. SO I like to use last......months, blade because blades are expensive. When you cut yourself.....just ignore it because real men dont bleed. When those tiny little shave hairs clog your drain, beckon your woman to clean it. When the shaving cream somehow finds its way into your eye..... well, honey youre on your own. OMG ITS MOISTURIZING TIME. Now we have to nourish that fabulous skin God gave us. She wouldnt be happy if we let it wrinkle! So I like to use baby oil.... maybe some of you like to use other oils.... like canola or olive. Dont. Another option besides oil is just regular old lotion but who wants to be lame. Now slather that shit all over your body and when strangers try to molest you their hands will slide right off as if you have some sort of forcefield activated. STRAIGHTENING. Some of us have very coarse, curly, ethnic hair and need to use an industrial grade tool to tame it. Mine gets up to almost 500 degrees....... farenheiht. My favorite method is what I call the fajita method. I straighten directly out of the shower when my hair is still wet to create a nice steam in the room. When it sizzles it means its working. Your bathroom should never not smell like fried chicken. GETTING DRESSED Crop tops are some of my favorite new trends. Because my rock hard abs need to be seen by humans. Sometimes its harder. Say you have a job interview at an insurance firm.... what does one wear? Hows about a little collar action? But say your shirt is wrinkled? My solution is to turn that shower we were just in all the way hot and just stand there and let the steam do the ironing for you. It may take longer but theres no risk of a WILMA! Getting to where you need to be. Some of us dont drive so we need bikes. Purple bikes that we steal from our best friends are best. Some of us have to lace up our keds, hop on our purple bikes and..... Ok I cant continue because its too cute. Being satisfied with todays work. At the end of the day you gotta hug yourself, cause no one else will. Not really. We have friends and we have family but at the core, you gotta be able to wrap your arms around yourself and say Hey, kid, you did good today. This has been Food For Thought with ME! Nathan
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 14:41:07 +0000
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