So focused on my relationship with God and it feels amazing. Man if only you knew the love of God. Its something more than you can see or feel. The feeling He gives to you, is just like no other. I cant even explain it. Thats what you call being in love for real. Not enough words to express it. Man its amazing how you can go through soooooooo much; even life threatening ( literally life and death health issues ) and be so much at a calm and peace. Satan tried to attack me today with my upcoming procedure in September, with my bone marrow stem cell transplant. Trying to add fear into my heart. Knowing that, I know I can pass away. This procedure isnt 100% and has a 20% death rate and thats to say the least. But then God came and reassured my faithfulness. Why worry. And honestly, it is very tough. And yes, time is approaching and naturally I think of everything Im about to go through with this life threatening procedure. Its tough mentally to have to deal with these things; and yes its so easy to say everything will be ok. The hardest thing for me, is the fact that I have to be away from my son for a long time while in isolation in Hershey Cancer Institute. Itll take six months for my new cells to mesh with my donors and a year for my body to start to feel back to normal. I will develop a new immune system, cells, and bone marrow. There will be complications due to the fact that I wont have any immune system for awhile and there is a 50% chance of graft versus host disease ( gvhd )... Thats another story itself. Transplant patients usually get it. Especially if you have a donor and not a whole brother or sister donor. I was not fortunate enough to have a whole brother or sister for a time like this in my life. Theres so much more to this transplant but for now, Im thankful that God is so reassuring. I trust him and I know next month when its transplant time, I will be expecting a long bumpy road; but God will see me through. Trusting fully in him. I just wish I didnt have to go through this. God continue to protect me.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 02:28:50 +0000
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