So heres a little story I forgot to tell you... A little over a week ago, The Rock Star had a party to go to. 5 PM to 9:30 PM. I dropped her there and went home. I cooked dinner for the rest of us, ate with MAC, and then, naturally, he went upstairs and locked himself in his room. I waited until 9:20, and yelled up the stairs to tell him I was going to pick up the girl. He said OK., and I locked the back door, (not all the bells and whistles of a nighttime lockdown, but he boy was home with his dad, right?), I locked the front door and left. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I saw my neighbor, her husband and 2 kids, out for a walk. One of her kids is not even 2 years old, so I thought it was a little strange that they were out at that hour. I waved, told them I was going to pick up my girl, and I left. I got the girl, (after getting stuck talking for about 20 minutes), and came home. No problems. Right? Three days later, I called my neighbor to see what she was doing that day. During the conversation, she says, Did your husband ever tell you what happened the other night? No. It seems, right after I left, the boy decided he needed to find me. So he let himself out the back door, and as my neighbors were coming back around for a second lap, they found my boy...in the middle of the street. (Thank GOD we live in a kind of circular community, and there isnt much traffic.) He doesnt really know them, but she was very calm, and gently coaxed him back to my front door, and she rang the bell. And rang the bell. And rang the bell. Seriously? She sat with him for another 2 minutes, and rang the bell again. Finally, numbnuts came down and answered the door. He thanked them, and brought the boy inside. And never mentioned it. (It should also be noted that my neighbors NEVER go walking at that hour...it was just a fluke, which makes me believe even more strongly in a higher power, protecting my boy:) I waited a few days before bringing it up, and then, only did so casually...not to start a fight, but just to let him know, I knew. A few days after that, we had an argument about money, (surprise, surprise), and he told me I should get a job, from 6 to midnight. And then I could have money. Why? So the neighbors can find my kid in the street? Now, youre gonna love this answer...you know...from the master finger-pointer... That was YOUR fault!!! Because YOU didnt lock up the back door! But, heres what professor dumbshit doesnt understand...my boy will FIND A WAY to look for his mom. I am the one who loves him unconditionally. I am the one who fixes what goes wrong for the boy. I am the one he knows he can always depend on. So he will find a way. So I think long and hard about it. I know if we were starving, my kids would find a way to adjust. But heres what has to be considered...MAC wakes up every day at 4:20. He is out of the house by 5 AM. He is toast by 8:30, 9:00 the latest. And he is not a fan of getting in the car with the boy to cart The Rock Star back and forth for play dates and extracurriculars. So, my kids would have to give up dinner with mom, (and even though MAC has recently learned his way around the kitchen...because...you know...hes gonna show me what Ive been doing wrong all these years, my kids want their mom...I make them what they like), my girl would have to give up any chance at a social life, she would have to deal with his drill sargeant tactic homework assistance, and once asshat falls asleep, the girl now has to be responsible for Spartacus. Shes 11. I would love so very much to get some extra bills paid, and have a few bucks in my pocket. I would love to plan a vacation and break away from the monotony of our every day, but for me, the cost is too high. When Im dead, the responsibility of caring for Spartacus will ultimately fall on my girl. She will have that for the rest of her life. So how do I ask her to give up this part of her childhood? How do I make Spartacus understand I am leaving him alone every night (and make no mistake...he would be alone...), to give him more than we have? How do I leave my kids every night with a clear conscience, knowing that for half the time Im gone, they are basically on their own? The answer is, I dont. It sucks having no money. It sucks that things are so hard right now. I am sorry that his industry took such a massive hit, and business isnt booming like it once was. But my children shouldnt have to pay such a high price, to compensate for what we are failing at. They shouldnt have to be left on their own. So, well pick 2 nights a week to eat a meat free meal. Well stay home and swim in the backyard instead of going on vacation. Well buy our back to school clothes sparingly, and when birthdays come around, we will choose gifts wisely. But I wont ask my kids to give up their mother, ESPECIALLY as my girl heads into middle school, and social life and social problems are becoming a central issue. My kids can live without a lot of things, but their mother shouldnt have to be one of them. Ill go back to the part time Land of Hairnet in September, and even though that sad paycheck basically only pays the phone bill for me and The Rock Star, gas in my car (to get to work, ironically), and a few snacks for the kids, its better than nothing. If I found a way to answer phones from my house, or do anything else at all, that would allow me to make some money without leaving my children, I would jump on it. But wouldnt most moms? Thats why there are so few of those jobs to be found. And now, as the father of the year took his girl to the movies, he says to me, before leaving, I left $25 on the table. You wanna pick up something for dinner? Hands off, ladies...this prince is all mine...God help me:)
Posted on: Sun, 10 Aug 2014 17:04:10 +0000