So here’s the thing: Sunday was the Colorado famous “303” party and I had the pleasure of bartending. All in all it was a good day, normal madness with fake boobies hanging out and every guy had a gay gold necklace to go with his tan and six pack abs. Then there was my encounter with Denver point guard Ty Lawson. He came up to the bar I was working down by the pool and ordered a round of drinks for him and his two friends. At this time I didn’t have a clue who he was. The tab came to $26 and he handed me an American express card. I let him know that we didn’t accept Amex or Discover, only Visa and Master card. This is how our conversation went: Ty Lawson: That’s all I got. Jay Parker: Well, can one of your boys help you out? Ty Lawson: Nah. Jay Parker: You don’t have cash, your boys don’t have cash or Visa or MC? Ty Lawson: Nah. Come on man, don’t you know who I am? Jay Parker: No, I don’t. Ty Lawson: I’m Ty Lawson! Jay Parker: Congratulations, I’m Jay Parker and I need twenty six dollars. Now at this time I didn’t even know who Ty Lawson was, I recognized the name but I was thinking Broncos corner back because he wasn’t very big. Ty Lawson: Are you serious man? Just tell them it’s for me and it’s all good. Jay Parker: Who are they? Ty Lawson: I paid cash for my house! Jay Parker: I have a mortgage. Ty Lawson: You know, they be alright, I don’t need to pay, I’m Ty Lawson. Jay Parker: I still don’t know who “they” are. I do know that you owe me $26. At this point his friends managed to scramble up $23 in crumpled dollar bills. It was like how eight year olds keep money in their pocket after they steal from their parents. Jay Parker: Great, were almost there, just three more dollars. Ty Lawson: Are you serious, I made 12 million dollars last year! Jay Parker: You made three million dollars last year? Ty Lawson: Yes I did. Jay Parker: I need three of it. Ty Lawson: Come on man, I’ll go get it and bring it back to you. Jay Parker: Really? Ty Lawson: Yeah. Jay Parker: Leave me your jewelry and you can leave and come back with my three dollars. Ty Lawson: Are you serious? I always pay my bill and I tip fat! Jay Parker: Cool, I need three dollars to accomplish you paying your tab. Ty Lawson: I tip fat dude! I tip fat dude! Why you trippin? While this was going on a co-worker of mine brought to my attention that they had this “square” shit on a smart phone in another tent and they could take Amex. I had him go get it and I gave the crumpled $23 dollars back to Ty Lawson. After I ran the Amex for $26, he tipped $0.00 and his friend accused me of stealing the $23 dollars. I told him I gave it back to Ty Lawson, so take it up with him. They left and I found out later that Ty Lawson talked one of our cooks into giving him a free cheeseburger because he was “Ty Lawson.” It’s a wonder how these professional athletes sometimes get stereotyped as cheap. I like the term “human trash” better myself, I think it’s more accurate. I’ll take extra joy watching the Nuggets choke in the first round of the playoffs in the upcoming NBA season.
Posted on: Tue, 06 Aug 2013 21:42:25 +0000
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