So, how did I end up so “churchy”? And what happened to that high spirited, beer drinking, karaoke singing, margarita loving, wind seeking, goal chasing, gun loving, fun loving lady who was impossible to keep up with? Don’t be fooled! I am still very much here. Only now, I’d rather use that spirited lady to sing at church, have one drink with dinner, chase goals that might have a benefit in the grand scheme of my life… and I have a totally different perspective of what fun is than what that little 20-something, broken-hearted girl had. I found my worth in the blood of Christ. I’ve always believed in God. I definitely went through my angry phases when I was younger, “God, if you... then why…?”, and “God, if you want me to… then show me!”. And, do you know what? He did. He showed me and has continued to show me His love and His grace and His mercy. And the more I accepted it, the easier it became. The past 36 years have presented so many more challenges that I wish I had ever seen. I have experienced pain and betrayal that was gut-wrenching for me. But, God saw me through it. Even when I was angry and looked for comfort in the wrong places… He was there for me when I asked Him for forgiveness. And in Him, I have found the greatest comfort of all. Psalm 23:4 - Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. One of the hardest things about God’s plan has definitely been forgiveness of others. But, again… read the previous paragraph, “Even when I was angry and looked for comfort in the wrong places… He was there for me when I asked Him for forgiveness.” Those who have hurt me were merely like me. They were looking for comfort, or self-gratification, or something to authenticate themselves… they just weren’t looking to God for direction. They were caught up in the wrong ideas… and I was in the crossfire. Those who tried to control me, or abuse me had the wrong ideas about what they needed to be living for. So, ultimately, because God has forgiven me, I must forgive them in order to be happier and more complete. Matthew 6:12 - And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Another thing about God’s plan that is difficult is prayer. Not prayer for myself. Not simply, prayer for others, but prayer for those who have hurt me. Especially for those who are in the mindset to continuously hurt me. Do I get angry when they strike out at me? Yes. Yes, I get very angry… and that is my defense mechanism to keep them at bay. God doesn’t say I have to associate with them. He doesn’t say I have to tolerate their mistreatment. He says that I have to forgive them… and pray for them. Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; After I consider all of these things… and the emotional conflict arises about how to approach new challenges, I still find myself wondering, “How bold should I be?” Most of you know that there are very few things that “scare” me. I can be a little intimidating to others with my “fierce” personality and “unorthodox” methods of dealing with those who cross me. But, again… can any of you say that you have ever seen me start a conflict, or intentionally try to harm another person for no reason? And when I rise up to face a challenge, do I physically hurt anyone? No. Would I? Yes. But, only if they choose to harm me first. And that, my friends, is a commitment. So, can I pull anything from the bible, showing that this might be the right method of dealing with conflict? Perhaps. 1 Samual 17:37 - David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee. 1 Samual 17:49 - And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth. If David, a youth, could have courage, with faith in God, that he should protect himself and his nation against the Philistines, should we not be bold in protecting ourselves, our families, and our homes when threats come around? This is a very personal question, and definitely up for personal evaluation. We all can’t be the same kind of warrior. I just know that as I live my life, I will not live my life in fear; because fear is not of the Lord. But, the devil and his ungodly spirit sews the spirit of fear. 27 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. 3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. 4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. 5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. 6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD. 7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek. 9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. 10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. 11 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. 12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. 13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 03:49:39 +0000
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