So much to say... It keeps me up till I cant hold my eyes open any longer.. I go to eat, remember what I have to say and the food in my mouth turns to ash, hard to chew and impossible to swallow, so I juss sit and stare at my food thinking till no one is around to see me throw it away.. But who listens?? Nobody cause everyone is tired of my bullshit, tired of listening to me complain and trying to be heard by the only one I want to hear me.. Everywhere I go, anything I do, whoever Im with, all reminds me of you.. I havent been home in weeks cause alone I dont have the self control i do around my friends to not soak my pillow.. Being alone juss makes me think how things could have been different.. I used to get mad at you about that.. Now i juss get angry at myself.. I cant stop wishing at 11:11, thatll never change.. I always appear to be happy, having a great time, when really Im thinking how much better it would be with you by my side.. Every time my phone buzzes my tummy ties into knots before i look, hoping the buzz is because of you.. But youve stopped.. You finally listened to me and dropped me like the P.O.S. I am.. After years of ignoring all my advice youd think Id be happy that you finally listened to me.. I didnt know that i would rather tear out my heart with a plastic spork on a daily basis than to not hear from you.. That was all my fault though... And now Im living with regrets that wont leave me alone, that wont stay in the bottles i try to shove them into... Never thought Id feel this low again... It seems like i dug my hole halfway to the core then lined the walls with smooth glass trapping myself at the bottom.. But no one can tell, no one would know if not for this post.. But you wont read it.. No one will tell you that Im dying without you, because honestly yer better off without me and everyone who knows us sees that.. Its all my fault anyways for not being enough in the first place anyways.. If i was good enough then it never would have went bad in the first place for it to have gotten so bad you ignore me.. But that juss more shit that no one cares about, the reason people are tired of my shit.. I juss complain and whine till no one can stand it anymore... I cant stand it anymore...
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 08:40:31 +0000
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