So, not going to see my Little Mama because I cant quit coughing but I called to check on her welfare this morning. They said she had a difficult time last night... I can only imagine. I went through so many nights like that with her ranging from her manic desire to be somewhere else, to barricading herself in her room because the boarders were taking her things. They said she wouldnt eat breakfast this morning and was looking for her school kids, but other than that she seemed okay. And that is how her day is beginning. :( I took Benadryl last night. It helped me sleep better. Not a lot of coughing, etc, but as soon as I got up this morning the post nasal drip started the coughing all over again and so I took another Benadryl. ODJ. Well see how it goes. Cant take any tomorrow because they make me sleepy and Im taking Kathy to Cardiologist appt early in the morning. Finally. Nothing more to say about that. I feel like the people from Game of Thrones. I keep saying, Winter is coming, and than catch myself saying it and laugh. At least we wont have any of those white walkers to deal with but according to my granddaughter, we have zombies. I would laugh my ass off at her but she believes they could exist, which I think is somewhat tragic. Thank you to the entertainment industry for making despicable the new reality. Such a wholesome model from which to aspire. snort. (that was a sarcastic snort. Not an allergy one) I was remembering Halloween parties from my youth and wishing I could step back for just one night and relive the fun. Hearing my sisters high-pitched squeal of pretend fright and smelling the wood smoke from the bonfire my Grampy had made out in the red dirt of the driveway. Roasting wieners on long thin branches until the fat from the meat was dripping in the fire and the skin on the wiener was beginning to bubble, then plopping them into a soft bun and squirting yellow mustard on top of the sizzling meat. Sitting on a log up close to Daddy because he was so big he made the best windbreak and hearing the rumble of his laughter as he relayed some wild story from his roughneck days in the oil fields. Listening to Dianes squeal of delight turn into a shriek of dismay when her marshmallow caught fire and fell off into the burning wood. Watching my Grand wipe away her tears and making her a new one. Waiting waiting waiting for it to get good and dark and then hearing my Grampy start up his old John Deere tractor and knowing he was taking us on a hay ride. The tractor (one of the kind called a Poppin Johnny) popped and hissed smoke and made so much noise that talking on the long hay trailer was futile, so I sat deep in the hay with my little sister nestled between my legs, leaning up against my Daddys broad chest and staring up at the dark night sky, dappled with the stars from a universe so vast it was beyond understanding. I dont know what I was looking for, but looking up always gave me a feeling of expectation, like I knew what was there, but had forgotten where to look or how to get back. I have always felt like this life I am living was a play. That I was acting a part and someday someone would yell CUT and it would be over and I would go home. I still wait for that sign, more impatiently now than ever. I will spend Halloween alone, which is fine. I dont really enjoy what passes for parties these days, but I might roast a wiener and make a hot dog slathered with a lot of bright yellow mustard. I might even try roasting marshmallow in hopes I hear the sound of my sisters voice crying do one for me. You cant relive the past, but some days it feels good to remember all you have endured and survived. It makes the unknown part of where you still have to go less daunting. If someone were to ask you, what possession of yours do you value most?, unless your answer is, your life, you are focused on all the wrong things.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Oct 2014 17:09:41 +0000
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