So these hallmark/family channel/lifetime Christmas movies are in perpetual play at our house this time of year. Its an expression of terrible excess, sure, but this isnt what Im posting about. Having become an unwilling participant in this journey, Ive become somewhat of a connaiseur of these films. Here are some observations: If its on lifetime, the protagonist recepie is always the same. Hardworking and sucessful woman, who hasnt found time for love. Through the magic of Xmas, she saves a failing business, stops an evil developer, etc., and in the process, finds love. Theres always time for a little heartbreak in the middle, but in the end, it works out. All of these films feature actors of yesteryear, who were in that thing you saw in the 90s. Theyre a bit older, more haggard seeming, and fight through terribly written scripts with a desperate too-fast moving clip. Its like they are fighting to regain the glory they once had, but know they are now typecast. All they can hope for now are sequels to the very films they hope to escape. The older actors, they were once big time, and seem not to care what they are doing. Venerable in their disregard, only bringing class to these films. The younger ones, the little souless satans, are being cracked by an invisible whip, held by their sociopath parents. They will all try to bring a McCauley Culkinesque twist, and Im sure theres some shitty workshop somewhere where they learn their craft for 500 dollars and hour. While all of this is going on, these networks are hypnotizing you, fueling the buybuybuy fever of this time of year. Magic of Christmas. Pattern emerges, you are perplexed, year after year, these charming vingettes become your cage....hang on....a bunch of white vans just PULLED UP IN MY YARD! Guys in black sunglasses are getting out ...must....hit....pos
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 13:24:48 +0000
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